Bad Habits That Hold You Back

A change in bad habits leads to a good change in life. Here are twenty bad habits many of us repeatedly struggle with:

  • Focusing on the negative. Positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best thing to happen every time, it’s about accepting that whatever happens is good for this moment, and then making the best of it. So stay positive, and hold on to what’s truly important.  Let your worries go.  No matter how you look at it, some outcomes just don’t make sense right away.  Choosing to carry on with your goals through this uncertainty is what matters.
  • Expecting life to be easy. Nothing starts easy; everything begins at some level of difficulty. Even waking up in the morning sometimes requires notable effort. But one beautiful thing about life is the fact that the most difficult challenges are often the most rewarding and satisfying.
  • Overlooking your true path and purpose. What really matters in life is not what we buy, but what we build; not what we have, but what we share with the world; not our capability but our character; and not our success but our true significance. Live a life that makes you proud – one that matters and makes a difference.  Live a life filled with passion and love.
  • Chasing after those who don’t want to be caught. Do not chase people. Be you, do your own thing and work hard on your passions.  The right people who belong in your life will eventually come to you, and stay.
  • Not asking for help when you know you need it. No matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong road, you can always turn back. Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.
  • Letting one dark cloud cover the entire sky. Take a deep breath. It’s just a bad moment, or a bad day, not a bad life.  Everyone has troubles.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.
  • Holding on to things you need to let go of. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things in life that should not be. Sometimes letting go is what makes us stronger, happier and more successful in the long run.
  • Spending time with people who make you unhappy. People can be cruel, and sometimes they will be. People can hurt you and break your heart, and sometimes they will.  But only you can allow them to continuously hurt you.  Value yourself enough to choose to spend time with people who treat you the way you treat them.  Know your worth.  Know when you have had enough.  And move on from the people who keep chipping away at your happiness.
  • Not making time for those who matter most. When we take things for granted, these things eventually get taken away. Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.  Too often we are too stubborn to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”  Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to us by letting insignificant issues tear us apart.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you
  • Denying personal responsibility. You’re getting almost everything you’re getting right now based on the decisions you have made; and you will continue to receive the same things until you choose differently. You always have some element of control.  There are always other options.  The choices might not be easy, but they are available.  You will not get a different result until you exercise a choice that forces you to grow by habit, by action, and by change.
  • Letting everyone else make decisions for you. Never allow someone or something that adds very little to your life, control so much of it. You’ve got to stop caring about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living for yourself.  Let go of the people and things that continuously hold you back and no longer serve you, because you only get one shot at life.
  • Giving up who you Remove yourself from any situation that requires you to give up any one of these three things: 1) Who you are.  2)  What you stand for.  3)  The goals you aspire to achieve. 
  • Quitting as soon as things get slightly difficult. An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward; and such is life. When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction.  So keep focusing, and keep aiming!
  • Doing too much and pushing too hard, without pausing. Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never find it, but because they never stop long enough to enjoy it. Sometimes we are so focused on what we want that we miss the things we need most.
  • Discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t. Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t. Start giving yourself credit for everything that you are.
  • Running from current problems and fears. Trust me, if everyone threw their problems in a pile for you to see, you would grab yours back. Tackle your problems and fears swiftly, don’t run away from them.  The best solution is to face them head on no matter how powerful they may seem.  Either you own your problems and fears, or they will ultimately own you.
  • Constantly mulling over past hardships. You’ll never see the great things ahead of you if you keep looking at the bad things behind you. To reach up for the new, you must let go of the old.  You are exactly where you need to be to reach your goals.  Everything you’ve been through was preparation for where you are right now and where you can be tomorrow.
  • Denying your mistakes. Remember that most honorable people of all are not those who never make mistakes, but those who admit to them when they do. And then go on to do their best to make the wrong things right.
  • Expecting your significant other to be perfect. Remember that you will never find a perfect partner to love you in the exact way you had envisioned, only a person who is willing to love you with all that they are. Someone who will accept you for who you can and cannot be.  And although they will never be perfect, finding a partner like this is even better.
  • Never allowing things to be good enough. We are human. We are not perfect.  We are alive.  We try things.  We make mistakes.  We stumble.  We fall.  We get hurt.  We rise again.  We try again.  We keep learning.  We keep growing.  And we are thankful for this priceless opportunity called life.

 * * *

We Are All Made to Fly

falcon-03Once there was a king who received a gift of two magnificent falcons from Arabia. They were peregrine falcons, the most beautiful birds he had ever seen. He gave the precious birds to his head falconer to be trained.

Months passed and one day the head falconer informed the king that though one of the falcons was flying majestically, soaring high in the sky, the other bird had not moved from its branch since the day it had arrived.

The king summoned healers and sorcerers from all the land to tend to the falcon, but no one could make the bird fly. He presented the task to the member of his court, but the next day, the king saw through the palace window that the bird had still not moved from its perch. Having tried everything else, the king thought to himself, “May be I need someone more familiar with the countryside to understand the nature of this problem.” So he cried out to his court, “Go and get a farmer.”

In the morning, the king was thrilled to see the falcon soaring high above the palace gardens. He said to his court, “Bring me the doer of this miracle.”

The court quickly located the farmer, who came and stood before the king. The king asked him, “How did you make the falcon fly?”

With his head bowed, the farmer said to the king, ” It was very easy, your highness. I simply cut the branch where the bird was sitting.”

We are all made to fly– to realize our incredible potential as human beings. But instead of doing that, we sit on our branches, clinging to the things that are familiar to us. The possibilities are endless, but for most of us, they remain undiscovered. We conform to the familiar, the comfortable, the mundane. So for the most part, our lives are mediocre instead of exciting, thrilling and fulfilling.

So let us learn to destroy the branch of fear we cling to and free ourselves to the glory of flight ! Make it a great life!

* * *

Timeless Pieces of Advice on Valentine’s Day

abcWhether you’ve been married 50 years, you’re just dating, or you’re single, there’s one day on the calendar set aside to think about love and romance, Valentine’s Day. The holiday has its origins in the ancient Roman fertility festival of Lupercalia. More than 1,500 years ago, Pope Gelasius I abolished the festival and declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day, and people around the world have celebrated it ever since. In the United States alone, we send nearly 200 million Valentine’s Day cards and spend at least $100 per person to show our loved ones that we care. That’s a lot of flowers and chocolate!

This article aims at giving you some timeless pieces of advice to help and guide you and your loved one to remain in love and in the mood of romance, always.

  • Don’t stay with someone who antagonizes you or belittles you.
  • If you feel lonely, you’re better off being alone.
  • Know when to walk away.
  • You can gauge a person’s love for you by how they treat you when they are upset with you.
  • Love is a verb, not a noun.
  • When a light bulb goes out, you fix the light bulb. You don’t get a new house.
  • Don’t settle for someone who has zero regard for your feelings or wants just because you’ve been together a long time.
  • Just because you love each other does not mean that you’re good together long-term.
  • No relationship is perfect and there will be conflict. What matters is the desire to solve the problem.
  • Always fight the problem, not the other person. If you keep this in mind when arguing, you’ll be able to actually resolve the issue than be mad at each other.
  • Don’t look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner.
  • Don’t disparage your SO behind their back.
  • Confidence isn’t “I know she likes me”, confidence is “I’ll be okay whether she likes me or not.”
  • There are a number of people you can be compatible with. No one is perfect. You have to work at love.
  • You’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
  • Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.
  • The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.
  • Stop trying to find the right person and start trying to BE the right person.
  • The person who cares least in the relationship has the most control.
  • Don’t listen to other people’s comments. Make your own relationship rules.
  • It’s better to be happy than to be right.
  • Always be the first to genuinely apologize after a fight.
  • You can’t expect someone to love you when you can’t love yourself.
  • Just because you liked the friend-version of someone doesn’t mean you’ll like the relationship-version of them.
  • Before you move in with your partner, go on a road trip with them.
  • Don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. Vulnerability can bring you closer together and strengthen the two of you.
  • When you and your SO are arguing, remember—it’s you and them versus the problem. Not you versus them.
  • Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
  • Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.
  • It takes two happy individuals to make a happy relationship.
  • If the world didn’t give each other second chances, we would all be single.
  • Everyone is searching for the perfect person, but no one is trying to be the perfect person.
  • If you love the memories more than the relationship, it’s time to move on.
  • Just because a person is right or perfect for you, you may not be the right one for them.
  • If it’s broken, fix it. If you’ve lost count of how many times it’s broken, or the cost of repair far outweighs the initial outlay, throw it away and move on.
  • Out of all the things needed for a successful relationship, love barely makes the top 5. Honesty, loyalty, trust, and communication all have to be there.
  • Always hold hands when talking about the hard stuff. It helps to keep the negative emotions in check & shows you care.
  • Be the man or woman you would want your future or current child dating.
  • Love is about appreciation, not possession.
  • Don’t go to bed angry. Everything will be there and worse in the morning.
  • Always seduce your lover, even if you are in a committed relationship. Otherwise, another person will.
  • Talk to each other about problems, not friends and family.
  • Keep no secrets, tell no lies.
  • Sometimes you gotta wise up and let go. Yes, it hurts. But it’ll hurt more in the future.
  • Relationships aren’t hard. If it is hard, you are probably with the wrong person.
  • Love is not a feeling. Feelings fade, change, respond to situations and events. Love is a choice.
  • If it feels wrong at the beginning, it probably won’t get better.
  • If you’re keeping score you already lost.
  • Love is an action, not a feeling. It’s learned and developed skill, not an experience. Not that the romantic feeling doesn’t exist or isn’t a wonderful part of the relationship, but it doesn’t make it last.
  • The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

* * *

2016 Canadian Higher Education Year in Review

img_20170211_065456A Happy New Year to all the members of the higher education community in Canada and beyond. We look forward to sharing many incredible stories with you in 2017, but for now, we’d like to take a look back at the year that was with our Second Annual Canadian Higher Education Year in Review. Instead of highlighting the top ten individual news items of 2016, we’ve decided this year to curate and explore the ten themes that most defined the Canadian PSE landscape over the past twelve months. So without further ado, this year’s themes are:


After Canada’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission released its recommendations in mid-2015, 2016 saw postsecondary institutions from across Canada working to implement these recommendations in a variety of ways. These efforts often fell under large-scale indigenization initiatives, and included a host of new programs and community consultations designed to make schools more welcoming to and representative of Canada’s Indigenous peoples. Moira MacDonald wrote a comprehensive article on the subject of indigenization for University Affairs, while Academica Group published a piece outlining concrete ways that institutions can pursue indigenization initiatives.

On the federal level, critics challenged the Canadian government’s decision not to include $50M per year in new funding for the Post-Secondary Student Support Program, which the Liberals had pledged to do during their 2015 election campaign. An Access to Information request filed by the federal NDP later revealed that postsecondary funding for Indigenous students had declined by 18.3% between 1997 and 2015, due in part to a 2% cap on yearly increases in funding to the PSSSP that has been in place since 1996.

In April, the Supreme Court of Canada unanimously ruled that the federal government has a constitutional responsibility to Métis, Inuit, and First Nations peoples without registered Indian status, which extends to the delivery of social programs and services such as the Post-Secondary Student Support Program.

Conflicts in Campus Culture

2016 saw a number of high-profile conflicts concerning the culture of institutions. Trinity Western University won legal victories in Nova Scotia and British Columbia to secure accreditation for its proposed law school, while it lost a bid to overturn a denial of accreditation in Ontario. These legal battles drew attention to TWU’s community covenant, which critics alleged amounted to discrimination against the LGBTQ community; yet TWU and its supporters insisted that denying accreditation for its law school constituted a violation of the school’s religious freedom. In November, the Law Society of British Columbia announced that it would take its case to the Supreme Court of Canada.

The year also saw University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson criticize a proposed federal human rights bill and state that he would refuse to use genderless pronouns if a student asked him to do so. Peterson’s positions on free speech and related issues have sparked national debate about a potential conflict between academic freedom, campus inclusiveness, and human rights law.

The events of Brexit and the US presidential election further fueled debates about inclusiveness and freedom of speech on postsecondary campuses. Critics have accused students and social activists of being unwilling to hear uncomfortable or different points of view, while others have argued that appeals to rational dialogue and freedom of speech disproportionately benefit those who are already privileged and make campuses less welcoming for members of marginalized groups.

Sexual Violence

Sexual violence figured prominently in many higher education news stories throughout 2016, as concerns grew about a lack of accurate data on the subject and institutions pushed for the development of sexual assault policies. In April, British Columbia joined Ontario in mandating that all postsecondary institutions develop standalone sexual misconduct policies. In October, the Manitoba government also introduced new sexual violence legislation that was praised by the Canadian Federation of Students.

While some institutions had a relatively smooth experience developing and installing new policies, others encountered difficulties or barriers that highlighted the complexity of the process and the issue at hand. The Ottawa Citizen ran extensive coverage of the creation of Carleton University’s sexual assault policy, which was approved by the university’s board in early December following months of debate.

Throughout 2016, a number of schools across Canada were accused of not properly supporting victims or not taking enough action against those accused of committing sexual violence. These accusations often grew into larger debates about the role that postsecondary institutions should play in policing matters of sexual assault.


The emphasis on internationalization in 2016 was nothing new compared to recent years, but what was new was the changing nature of this term and what it means for Canadian higher ed. For starters, 2016 saw a greater emphasis on the two-way nature of internationalization, with a growing emphasis on the need to encourage more Canadian students to study abroad. In April, Academica released a StudentVu report charting Canadian students’ attitudes toward study abroad.

One of the year’s biggest developments in the area of internationalization was a set of changes that the federal government made to policies impacting international students coming to Canada. In March, the government introduced legislation reducing the period of physical residency required to apply for citizenship and allowing students to count time spent studying in Canada toward this requirement. In November, a new change to Canada’s Express Entry immigration system also increased the number of points awarded to applicants who obtain a university degree in Canada.

But perhaps the biggest theme in internationalization in Canadian higher education this year was Canada’s demonstration of openness to the world at a time when other western countries appear to have become more closed. Many Canadian institutions brought in new programming to support Syrian refugees who wished to attend Canadian institutions and in the wake of both Brexit and the election of Donald Trump, Canadian institutions and policy analysts began reporting higher numbers of inquiries for enrolment from international students. In recent months, school presidents have also made explicit calls for Canada to embrace openness at a time when other countries have not. This openness toward international students was echoed by Canadian students in a StudentVu report published in April.

 Free PSE Tuition

In 2016, Ontario and New Brunswick became the first provinces to offer free tuition to students from low-income families. The move in NB generated backlash, as many protested the elimination of the province’s tuition tax credits and private colleges threatened legal action for not being made eligible for the province’s Tuition Access Bursary program. In Alberta, a decision by the NDP government to continue a provincial tuition freeze was met with concern from some PSE leaders, who said that the inability to raise tuition would force schools to look elsewhere to make up for budgetary shortfalls.

In April, Canadian Alliance of Student Associations Chairman Erik Queenan published a piece suggesting that the introduction of free tuition models in other provinces was highly likely following the decisions in ON and NB. On the national stage, the Canadian Federation of Students released a report calling for free PSE tuition across the country and held a nationwide day of action in support of this mission.

Student Mental Health

2016 saw a number of concerning reports on trends in student mental health across Canada. A national survey of 44,000 PSE students showed an increase in the number of students reporting serious mental health crises. A study of Ontario teenagers also found that 14% of students qualified as having “serious” psychological distress compared to 10% in 2013. Among the most concerning studies was the National College Health Assessment survey, which showed that one in every eight postsecondary students in Alberta had “seriously considered” suicide within the past year. The cross-country numbers on mental health correlated with reports of increased demand for mental health services at some campuses, leading to concerns about whether the supply of such services could keep up with demand.

These concerning numbers, however, also gave rise to a number of stories on how Canada’s postsecondary institutions were responding to the declining mental health outcomes of postsecondary students. A number of Atlantic institutions participated in a three-year initiative to “create, evaluate, and disseminate a comprehensive and effective campus mental health framework.” The Torontoist also ran a piece featuring some of the positive initiatives undertaken by colleges and universities in the Greater Toronto Area.

Work-Integrated Learning

There were few trends in learning that generated as many headlines in 2016 as work-integrated learning (WIL), with countless members of the higher education community and the general population calling for more WIL opportunities for Canada’s postsecondary students. Among the most highly touted benefits were the workplace preparation, professionalization, and industry partnerships that WIL fosters .

Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne garnered both skepticism and support after boldly calling for 100% of postsecondary students in ON to complete some form of WIL before graduating. Some questioned whether so many opportunities could be created, and if so, what quality of learning they would provide. Prominent higher education leaders such as University of Calgary President Elizabeth Cannon and George Brown College President Anne Sado also called for universal WIL opportunities, co-authoring a piece that laid out four fundamental principles that will set Canada on the path toward this goal.

Canada’s Business Higher Education Roundtable also made headlines in June with a call for universal WIL opportunities across Canada. To support this mission, the BHER commissioned Academica Group to produce a comprehensive report on the state of WIL in Canada and how it might be expanded and improved going forward. The Higher Education Quality Council of Ontario also released a helpful guide to better clarify what makes for a positive WIL opportunity.


2016 saw an increased awareness around cyber attacks against postsecondary institutions. One of the most prominent examples was a “ransom ware” attack in which the University of Calgary paid a hacker $20K in order to retrieve encrypted data. One UK report later revealed that 63% of PSE institutions in that country had suffered these types of attacks, with one institution reporting that it had suffered 21 distinct attacks during the reporting period. In September, David Shipley, Director of Strategic Initiatives for Information Technology Services at University of New Brunswick, spoke with the CBC about the school’s four point strategy for handling cyber attacks. Memorial University launched a ransom ware awareness campaign after experiencing its own attack in an effort to help students understand how to avoid ransom ware attacks and what to do in the event of one occurring.

These stories gave rise to a new awareness around the frequency and commonality of these attacks. This trend has coincided with a number of schools making significant investments in cyber security research and training.

Learning Outcomes, Employability Concerns

2016 saw continued growth in the number of stories relating to postsecondary learning outcomes and learning outcomes assessments. One of the more striking stories came from a Statistics Canada report in September, which showed that many postsecondary graduates who had been considered “overqualified” for their jobs lacked basic skills in reading, writing, and numeracy.

The Higher Education Quality Council of Ontario also announced that it would pursue large-scale assessment of core skills for both the college and university sectors. The organization also produced a report demonstrating that in practice, colleges and universities tend to use learning outcomes assessment in similar ways.

Conversations about learning outcomes assessment have often overlapped with concerns about the employability of today’s postsecondary graduates, and about what skills employers are demanding in greater numbers.

In May, the Conference Board of Canada released a report calling for a greater alignment of Canadian PSE and the demands of the labour market, beginning with the production and communication of better labour market data. In its pre-budget submission for 2017, Polytechnics Canada petitioned the federal government to take a more active role in connecting students with employers, beginning with the production of better labour market data.

College/University Co-operation

2016 saw colleges and universities continue to deepen their connections through a number of pathway agreements, collaborations, and other initiatives. Perhaps one of the most significant collaborations came at the beginning of the year, when Colleges and Institutes Canada and Universities Canada launched an online resource to support universities and colleges looking to foster new cross-sector collaborations and partnerships. In the summer of 2016, six postsecondary institutions based in Edmonton announced that they would work more interdependently to make Edmonton itself a more desirable destination for PSE.

These broader collaborations were complemented by dozens of new articulation agreements, guaranteed transfer agreements, and diploma-to-degree pathway agreements between Canada’s universities and colleges. In April, University World News ran a piece arguing that as students’ take increasingly diverse paths through PSE, governments and institutions will need to bolster their efforts to ensure that credit transfer policies keep up with changing times. The article specifically highlighted the efforts of the Ontario Council on Articulation and Transfer, which it suggests can offer a potential model for other jurisdictions looking to make the boundaries between institutions and PSE sectors more porous.


Notes: While by no means exhaustive, this list has been prepared by our editorial and management team to reflect the themes chosen by you, our readers, through your level of engagement with the stories published in our Academica Top Ten throughout 2016. We considered reader engagement data in combination with how frequently certain topics were covered by regional and national media, while also drawing on our team’s understanding and experience to determine which subjects had the greatest impact on the higher education landscape.


Courtesy: Academica Group /

* * *

Profound Wisdom from Japan

profound-wisdom-from-japanYou could probably talk about the mysterious and inscrutable nature of Japanese culture for hours on end. What is most fascinating and captivating about this country is perhaps the fact that despite its embrace of modernity and immense technological achievements its people continue to maintain very strong links with their roots and ancient traditions. Perhaps this is where the root of enlightenment is to be found. To help you get an insight into the culture of this fascinating and deeply wise nation, here are some ancient Japanese sayings.

  • If a problem can be solved, then it’s not worth worrying about it. If it can’t be solved, then it’s useless to worry about it.
  • Having taken the time to think, venture to act. Once you’ve done so, stop thinking.
  • Do not hold back that which is departing; do not chase away that which is arriving.
  • Fast means going slowly without interruption.
  • It is better to be the enemy of a good person than the friend of a bad one.
  • There has never been a great individual who did not have ordinary people at their side.
  • He who strongly desires to rise up will think of a way to build a ladder.
  • A husband and wife should be similar to a hand and an eye: when one’s hand hurts, the eyes cry; and when the eyes cry, the hand wipes away one’s tears.
  • The sun does not know who is right or who is wrong. It shines without purpose and provides warmth to all.
  • A frog in a well does not know the greatness of the sea.
  • A long journey always begins with a short one.
  • He who drinks does not know the dangers of wine; he who doesn’t drink does not know its benefits.
  • Even if a sword is only required once in a lifetime, it should be worn all the time.
  • Beautiful flowers do not bear good fruit.
  • Grief, like a torn dress, should always be left at home.
  • When one is in love, even the scars left by smallpox are as beautiful as dimples on a person’s cheeks.
  • No one has ever stumbled whilst lying in bed.
  • One kind word can keep you warm for three months of winter.
  • Always make way for fools and madmen.
  • If you want to paint a branch, you have to hear the breath of the wind.
  • Check seven times before ever doubting someone.
  • Do everything that you can and leave the rest to fate.
  • Excessive honesty often borders on stupidity.
  • Fortune will always come in to a house with laughter.
  • He who endures for just half an hour longer than his opponent can achieve victory.
  • As soon as stones can swim, leaves will sink.
  • Even monkeys can fall from their trees.
  • Cold tea and cold rice are tolerable; what is intolerable is a cold gaze and harsh words.
  • If you do not enter the tiger’s cave, you will not catch its cub.
  • If a woman wants something, she’ll climb a mountain to get it.
  • Ask a question and you feel shame for a moment. Not asking and not knowing means you will feel shame for your whole life.
  • A bad craftsman never made a perfect vase.
  • The earth always hardens after the rain.
  • The deepest rivers flow in silence.
  • If you decide to set off on your own journey, you’ll find yourself alone for a thousand kilometers.

* * *

Happy New Year

New Year’s Resolution Ideas

new-yearGet in shape: Losing weight is the top resolution for Americans, and combined with “exercise more” and “stay fit and healthy” it is something that over a third of the population wishes to achieve. It’s easy enough to start an exercise and diet program, but the trick is to find a decent one that will give you steady results and will be easy to stick to in the long run. Have a look at these tricks, hacks, exercises and mistakes to avoid the best of your resolution.

Start eating healthier food, and less food overall: This is usually an extension of the previous resolution. Switching to a healthier diet can be incredibly tricky when we are surrounded by cheap junk food. However, with a good amount of determination and some basic tips you can slowly develop healthier eating habits. Learn to control emotional eating, be aware of reasons for diets to fail.

Stop procrastinating: The biggest barrier that keeps most people from reaching their goals is the desire to relax and do something fun instead of working hard. Once you get used to procrastinating it’s difficult to snap yourself out of it, so you’ll need to put in a lot of work to change this bad habit. There are many useful tips out there to find your way to stop procrastinating. There are also tools which can help you achieve this task.

Improve your concentration and mental skills: People have been trying to find ways to improve their focus and cognitive capacities for thousands of years, and most ancient civilizations had some combination of mental exercise and herbal medicine to help them reach this goal. Today we can use anything from apps to ancient meditation techniques to boost concentration and hone our mental skills. If you go through with this, you will be able to control your mood, learn faster and have an easier time solving problems.

Meet new people: When we get stuck in a rut, we usually end up staying at home most of the time, missing out on a lot of interesting opportunities for networking and having fun. Meeting new people can be beneficial to your mental well-being and help your career, so don’t be afraid to get out there and make some friends. Overcome your shyness, get some knowledge and go and get to know new and interesting people.

Become more active: Some people don’t really have a big weight problem, and they even get some exercise a few times a week, but they just sit around the most of the time at home and at work, which can have a negative effect on their posture and health. In that case, all you need is to find ways of moving around more throughout the day instead of staying hunched over the computer. It’s even more fun if you share your activity with friends and family.

Become more confident and take some chances: If you are confident other people notice it, and it is much easier to have your opinions heard, ask people out on dates and get ahead at work. A good dose of self-confidence will help you lead a much happier life overall. Don’t hesitate to get some input on ways to boost your confidence.

Earn more money: Even billionaires are always looking for ways to earn more money, and we common folk can definitely use an additional source of income to make life a bit more comfortable. Fortunately there are plenty of options available, like having side jobs, working as a freelancer or using the internet to your advantage.

Become more polite: Good manners have always been an important part of a civilized society. They make it easier to connect with others, avoid offending people and will ensure that others perceive you as a good and trustworthy person. So know the etiquette, be prepared or other manners in other countries, deal with rude people in the right way and learn how to say no.

Reduce stress: They say that stress is one of the biggest killers out there, and it can have a very destructive effect on your relationships as well as your health. It may be an unavoidable side effect of our hectic modern lifestyles, but it can be effectively managed with the help of useful, unconventional and easy to practice tricks for stress management.

Learn to be happier with your life: Even those that are in decent shape, make a good living and have stress under control can still be unhappy. It takes time and patience to learn how to find joy in the little things and not to let problems bring you down.

Get more quality sleep: With big TV’s, computers, smart phones, tablets and all sorts of gadgets with glowing lights and beeping alerts, it can be hard to get enough sleep at night. You should be gunning for at least 8 hours of sleep a night, and there are fairly simple ways to achieve this number if you make use of science and everyday hacks.

Give up cigarettes: A bit of bad habit that a lot of people don’t know how to kick, smoking will not only endanger your health, but can burn a hole in your wallet as well. Just be prepared to dedicate a lot of will power to giving up cigarettes once and for all.

Watch less TV: The average person wastes a lot of time in front of the TV, time that could have been better spent developing skills, learning or keeping your body active. Once you manage to cut down on TV time, you will realize just how long and productive a day can really be.

Read more: Books are an excellent way to gain a lot of knowledge on a huge variety of topics, and are also a great exercise for your brain. It’s not that difficult to go through 20 or more books in a year – you only need to make it a habit, discover your type of books and find a bit of time for reading here and there.

Find a significant other: We all need someone to hold at night, talk to and share our deepest secrets with, but finding the right person is a matter of trial and error. We need to go out and get to know a bunch of potential partners before we can find the one that we can get along with really well. Get inspired on your way towards love by these tips on the best places to meet people, asking someone out, and having an amazing and original first date.

Have better sex: Any healthy relationship requires a good deal of intimacy, and sex can actually help keep us mentally and physically healthy. The idea is to make it a fun and rewarding experience, and this is something that comes with practice and exercise.

Become tidier: There are a lot of slobs out there who can’t really get their stuff organized, and a cluttered desk or chaotic home will negatively affect your productivity and even your mood, so it helps to clear the clutter, clean your house and lead a tidier and more organized life.

Learn how to dress with style: The way you dress can say a lot about you, and wearing the right clothes can make you seem powerful and confident, which in turn can help you land a job, get promoted, and catch the eye of a lovely guy or girl. No matter if you’re male or female, know the dress code and live with style.

Spend more time with the people that matter: There is just too little time in this life for us to waste it on insincere, duplicitous and toxic people. We should focus on the people who we care about deeply and who care about us, as this is the best way to stay happy.

Start drinking in moderation or quit drinking altogether: While it is completely safe and healthy to drink one or two servings of an alcoholic beverage of your choice per day, not a lot of people can say that they can follow this rule effectively. Getting your drinking under control has plenty of benefits, but it can be a difficult process.

Get out of debt: You can’t really move forward in life if you are weighed down by debt. The road to financial freedom is a rocky one, but it is definitely manageable with a bit of planning and self-restraint. Take a look at these strategies and methods and pay off your debt. You won’t believe how good it will feel.

Start saving money: Once you have your debt under control, it’s time to start putting some money aside. A rainy day fund and some extra money that can go towards traveling abroad, fixing up the house or buying a new car are a welcome change of pace. Make use of these hacks and apps to save money efficiently.

Learn a new language: Not only will learning a new language help improve your communication skills, it will also look great on your resume and possibly open up some doors for you. These days there are plenty of resources that allow you to learn a language for free and in your spare time.

Volunteer and give more to charity: To devote your time and energy to helping those in need is a noble gesture and a reward in itself, but it is also an opportunity to meet new people, learn new skills and boost your resume. Here’s how you can find time to volunteer in your busy life.

Pick up useful skills or fun hobbies: Just sitting around all day won’t get you anywhere. It is much better to use your free time in a constructive manner and pick up new skills while having fun at the same time. The Future-You will be glad that you did. No matter if you’re interested in communication skills or sports, find out how to learn new skills and hobbies in a short time.

Learn to let go of grudges and avoid moping: Times can be hard, and it may take a lot to overcome adversity, but sitting around and moping about it is just counterproductive. If you have a big fight with someone and fall out or get hurt over a small issue, you will only lose a friend or life partner and remain sad and bitter. Forgiveness is a much healthier way to deal with issues that should be left in the past.

Adopt a cute pet: There are tons of animal lovers out there that would be great at caring for a pet, but they often over think things, while some people just rush out and get a pet without understanding the responsibility involved. Be sure you know what you are in for and find a pet that fits your living conditions and lifestyle.

Become more organized: It doesn’t matter how much time you have on your hands if you can’t manage it properly – you’ll just spend most of the day running around aimlessly. When you get organized there will suddenly be more time to spare and things will start falling into place. Make it a habit, get help from apps and tools and enjoy your newly found leisure-time.

Travel more and see the world: You’ll need to have your finances in order, get the right equipment and invest some time and effort before you consider traveling across the globe, but there are ways of experiencing different cultures and visiting faraway places even on a tighter budget.

Learn to cook: Cooking is one of the essential skill that every man and woman should possess. It allows you to save money, eat the food you love just the way you like it and impress dates with lovely meals shared under candlelight. If you go through useful tips, keep your kitchen clean and avoid common mistakes, nothing stands between you and your 3-course-meal.

Go see your doctor more often: Staying healthy should be your top priority, but many people seem frighten of doctors and don’t go to the hospital nearly as often as they should, often waiting for their condition to significantly worsen. Regular checkups are a must, no matter how healthy you feel at the moment.

Reinvent yourself: If you don’t feel quite happy no matter what you do, it is perhaps time to make some serious changes in your life. Reinventing yourself can give you a whole new perspective on life and take you in directions you may never have dreamed were possible.

Stop being late all the time: Punctuality is a virtue that is held in high regard in our society. Being on time is a mark of a true professional, a dependable friend and caring partner, so it is a good idea to pick up a few tricks that can help you stay on time.

Learn how to be more self-reliant: Technology, a relatively decent government and corporations offering cheap ready-to-eat food and all manner of useful tools – these things have made us somewhat spoiled, and we often get well into adulthood without having what it takes to be independent and self-reliant. These skills are important to learn.

Turn your hobby into a career: If we could all manage to marry fun and productivity, and be able to make money doing what we love, we’d be a much more content and well-balanced society. This may not always be possible, but there are cases where a hobby can be turned into a lucrative career.

Get over an ex: It may be better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved, but it still hurts like crazy. Healing a broken heart is a process that takes time, but there are ways and tricks to make it through this difficult time without too much pain.

Learn to control your emotions: Uncontrolled anger can get you into a lot of trouble, but things like jealousy and pride are destructive in all circumstances. Gaining control over your feelings allows you to keep a level head and think more rationally, even during emotionally charged conflict situations.

Start being more responsible: A big part of growing up into a mature adult is the ability to think before making a decision. It is important to take responsibility for ones actions and avoid blaming everything on someone else, just as it is important to protect your family and provide for them.

Learn more about art, music, culture etc.: The best way to fit in when talking to a variety of people from different backgrounds is to have a well-rounded education. Topics like art, music, history and culture often baffle people, but they can be easy to comprehend if you spend enough time learning about them using helpful websites and online courses.

Spend less time on social media: Some people might not spend hours in front of the TV, or playing video games, but social media has become a serious addiction among a wide range of demographics. It’s fine to stay in touch with friends and family, but if you consistently spend more than an hour every day on social media, it’s time to make a change.

Learn how to defend yourself: Being able to ensure your own safety, and the safety of those you love, is a very important skill set to have. It’s not all about groin kicks and palm strikes, however. You need to learn how to conduct yourself and what kind of behavior to look out for in others.

Become more romantic: Romance is often the first casualty in longer, more serious relationships, but it doesn’t have to wither away. A few romantic gestures here and there can keep the passion going for decades. It will be fun, even if you’re not the romantic type.

Start remembering important dates: Speaking about romance and keeping a serious relationship fun, you don’t want to keep forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates. There are plenty of memory tricks that take very little time to master, so you’ll never forget another date again.

Become more social: Being a man, or woman, about town has its perks. You get to have fun, meet new people and find out interesting things, but you can also develop leadership skills and learn to work in a team. Even if you are an introvert or very shy and feel uncomfortable talking to others, there are ways to become a fairly active member of a community.

Start being more creative: There are times when we get mentally fatigued and our creativity just goes out the window. This is particularly bad if your job or hobby depends on you coming up with fresh ideas and thinking outside the box. As with anything else, there are many resources that help you spark your creativity in a number of different ways.

Start expressing yourself artistically: While some of us are more logical, with a scientific mind, most people still have a bit of a creative spark in them. Expressing yourself in some creative artistic way is a great form of stress relief and helps keep your mind sharp. Some of these activities will also help you stay active and burn some calories. So go in the arts, write, craft, make DIY projects – whatever makes your soul free.

Face your fears and insecurities: You will find this particular point masked beneath other New Year’s resolutions, but fear and insecurity are often the cause of several problems that we want to address. You need to think of it as surviving and controlling your fear rather than overcoming it, and it will enable you to shed off a lot of the insecurities that you have.

Start writing a book/journal: You’d be surprised to know just how many people out there have an interesting story to tell, but lack the confidence and skill to write everything down. Even if it is just a few random thoughts scribbled daily in a journal, you shouldn’t be afraid to give writing a go with a few tips and tricks.

Stick to the good healthy habits you’ve developed: The last, and most important point to mention is that all the positive changes you make have to be permanent. You will need to work on sticking with the good habits you have adopted, until they just become a natural part of who you are. That is how you achieve true self-improvement.

Well, there you have it – an extensive list of advice, tips and tricks to help you see your New Year’s resolution through and make some long-term changes in your life. I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

* * *

Napoleon Hill’s Principles of Personal Achievement


Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

1: Definiteness of Purpose. Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement. Without a purpose and a plan, people drift aimlessly through life.

2: Mastermind Alliance. The Mastermind principle consists of an alliance of two or more minds working in perfect harmony for the attainment of a common definite objective. Success does not come without the cooperation of others.

3: Applied Faith. Faith is a state of mind through which your aims, desires, plans and purposes may be translated into their physical or financial equivalent.

4: Going the Extra Mile. When you go the extra mile, the Law of Compensation comes into play. Going the extra mile is the action of rendering more and better service than that for which you are presently paid. When you go the extra mile, the Law of Compensation comes into play.

5: Pleasing Personality. Personality is the sum total of one’s mental, spiritual and physical traits and habits that distinguish one from all others. It is the factor that determines whether one is liked or disliked by others.

6: Personal Initiative. Personal initiative is the power that inspires the completion of that which one begins. It is the power that starts all action. No person is free until he learns to do his own thinking and gains the courage to act on his own.

7: Positive Mental Attitude. Positive mental attitude is the right mental attitude in all circumstances. Success attracts more success while failure attracts more failure.

8: Enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is faith in action. It is the intense emotion known as burning desire. It comes from within, although it radiates outwardly in the expression of one’s voice and countenance.

9: Self-Discipline. If you do not control your thoughts, you cannot control your needs. Self-discipline begins with the mastery of thought. If you do not control your thoughts, you cannot control your needs. Self-discipline calls for a balancing of the emotions of your heart with the reasoning faculty of your head.

10: Accurate Thinking. The power of thought is the most dangerous or the most beneficial power available to man, depending on how it is used.

11: Controlled Attention. Controlled attention leads to mastery in any type of human endeavor, because it enables one to focus the powers of his mind upon the attainment of a definite objective and to keep it so directed at will.

12: Teamwork. Teamwork is harmonious cooperation that is willing, voluntary and free. Whenever the spirit of teamwork is the dominating influence in business or industry, success is inevitable. Harmonious cooperation is a priceless asset that you can acquire in proportion to your giving.

13: Adversity & Defeat. Many so-called failures represent only a temporary defeat that may prove to be a blessing in disguise. Individual success usually is in exact proportion of the scope of the defeat the individual has experienced and mastered. Many so-called failures represent only a temporary defeat that may prove to be a blessing in disguise.

14: Creative Vision. Creative vision is developed by the free and fearless use of one’s imagination. It is not a miraculous quality with which one is gifted or is not gifted at birth.

15: Health. Sound health begins with a sound health consciousness, just as financial success begins with a prosperity consciousness.

16: Budgeting Time and Money. Time and money are precious resources, and few people striving for success ever believe they possess either one in excess.

17: Habits. Developing and establishing positive habits leads to peace of mind, health and financial security. You are where you are because of your established habits and thoughts and deeds.

* * *

Dealing With a Psychopath

sociopathExperts bet you encounter a psychopath more often than you think. I know what some people are thinking: I’m never going to deal with psychopaths. This is just more sensational junk. Wrong. The experts are betting you probably encounter a psychopath every day. In fact, a lot of what you think you know about psychopaths is very wrong.

Yes, psychopaths are more likely to be in jail than most people — but the majority of them aren’t. There’s a whole class of people who don’t have a conscience or feel empathy, and in all likelihood you deal with at least one all the time. And they probably make your life miserable. They’re “sub clinical psychopaths.” With biology, you either have tuberculosis or you don’t. Black and white. There’s no “kinda.” In psychology there’s a lot of “kinda.” People with sub clinical psychological disorders are like this. Not bad enough to go to prison, but plenty bad enough to make your life awful. The Machiavellian manipulators at work who do all kinds of nasty — but without leaving fingerprints. The bad boyfriends and girlfriends who drive you crazy — sometimes quite deliberately. Think Frank Underwood in “House of Cards” — but without the murder. And research shows many US presidents have had psychopathic traits. Which profession has the most psychopaths? The answer is: CEOs.Yup, studies show there are a disproportionate number of psychopaths in corporate America. (In fact, some psychopathic traits are more common in CEO’s than in mentally disturbed criminals.)

But nobody in HR tells you might be working with some really awful people, let alone how to survive next to them. Corporations say things like, “We do not tolerate abusive or disrespectful treatment. Ruthlessness, callousness, and arrogance don’t belong here.” That’s from Enron’s 1998 Annual Report, by the way. Alright, we got some learning’ to do. Let’s find out from research and experts what the real deal is with psychopaths, and what you can do to protect yourself from these very toxic people.

What Is A Psychopath?

Psychopath. Sociopath. For our purposes they’re the same. And don’t get them confused with “psychotic.” Psychotic means you’re seeing elves and unicorns. Psychopaths see the world quite clearly. Perhaps too clearly. As Ronald Schouten, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School explains, they don’t let pesky things like conscience or empathy get in the way. Because they don’t possess either of them.

From Almost a Psychopath: Psychopathy is a psychological condition in which the individual shows a profound lack of empathy for the feelings of others, a willingness to engage in immoral and antisocial behavior for short-term gains, and extreme egocentricity.

No, they don’t all have cold, dead eyes and wear a hockey mask. Many are witty and quite articulate. They’re narcissistic and impulsive. And because they lack empathy they see other people as objects to be used. Just because they don’t feel empathy doesn’t mean they don’t understand it. And many get quite good at faking it. All the better to manipulate you to get what they want. Neurosciences research shows the emotional centers of their brains don’t respond the way yours do.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: In several functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain imaging studies, Hare and his associates found that emotional words and unpleasant pictures did not produce in psychopaths the increases in the activity of brain (limbic) regions normally associated with the processing of emotional material. But it’s worse than that. As Ronald Schouten reports, when neuroscientists did a PET scan of psychopaths after giving them amphetamines, the nucleus accumbens section of their grey matter produced four times as much dopamine. Translation: rewarding stuff is far, far more rewarding to them. So you consider doing something mean and your conscience slams the brakes. But psychopaths’ brake line has been cut. And stuff they want is four times as rewarding to them. So someone also put a brick on their accelerator. Some people might think: I have done bad things. And I find some things really rewarding. Oh my god! I’m worried that I’m a psychopath! If you’re worried that you’re a psychopath, you’re not a psychopath — because psychopaths don’t worry.

From The Psychopath Test:…suffering from anxiety is the neurological opposite of being a psychopath when it comes to amygdala function. So how do we make these people better? We don’t. In fact, treatment makes them worse. Teaching them about empathy doesn’t make them more empathetic. It just teaches them how to fake it better. They see treatment as “finishing school.”Violent psychopaths given counseling were 20% more likely to re-offend.

From The Psychopath Test: …two researchers in the early 1990s had undertaken a detailed study of the long-term recidivism rates of psychopaths who had been through Elliott’s program and been let out into society. Its publication would surely have been an extraordinary moment for Elliott and Gary and the Capsule. In regular circumstances, 60 percent of criminal psychopaths released into the outside world go on to re-offend. What percentage of their psychopaths had? As it turned out: 80 percent.

Okay, but this sounds extreme. And it is. You probably don’t know any full blown psychopaths, impulsively going after whatever they want with no conscience to reign them in. But you probably do know a “subclinical” psychopath or two…

Subclinical Psychopaths. So what happens when you dial down the psychopathy a bit, turn off the impulsiveness and add in a little conscientiousness so they can graduate law school or business school? You get a psychopath who blends in at work just fine. And they chase their rewards, ignore morality and are quite good at covering their tracks. Robert Hare, the criminal psychologist who developed the test used to evaluate psychopaths explains:  …many psychopaths never go to prison or any other facility. They appear to function reasonably well— as lawyers, doctors, psychiatrists, academics, mercenaries, police officers, cult leaders, military personnel, businesspeople, writers, artists, entertainers, and so forth— without breaking the law, or at least without being caught and convicted. These individuals are every bit as egocentric, callous, and manipulative as the average criminal psychopath; however, their intelligence, family background, social skills, and circumstances permit them to construct a facade of normalcy and to get what they want with relative impunity. And how many people like this are running around? Now full-blown psychopaths are about 1% of the population. So that’s 3 million in the US alone. But subclinical psychopaths? Schouten says they’re more like 5-15%.

From Almost a Psychopath: Studies that examined the prevalence of subclinical psychopathy in student populations in the United States and Sweden showed rates in the range of 5 to 15 percent… 5 to 15 percent of the population means that for every twenty people, up to three of them may fall within the almost psychopath range. So subclinical psychopaths aren’t chopping people up with an axe. But they are ruthlessly going after what they want without any concern for those around them. How do they do it? If they’re breaking hearts and infesting corporations, how do they not get caught?

How Do Psychopaths Get What They Want?

Hare says that whether subclinical psychopaths are screwing up your love life or your workplace, they usually follow a three step process:

They assess the utility, weaknesses and defenses of those around them,

They manipulate others to bond with them and get what they want,

They abandon their targets and move on… Or, in a corporate environment, often move up.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses. Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged. Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them. If they invade your personal life, they turn on that artificial empathy and charm. They listen to hear what you think of yourself and reinforce that. The message? I like who you are. Then they pretend they share similar qualities. Message? I am just like you. It’s not much different at the office. They get to know everyone and use that fake empathy to make a good first impression and quickly figure out who has the power.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: Once they join the company, psychopaths try to meet as many people in the company as they can, spreading positive first impressions and collecting as much information as possible. While meeting and greeting organization members, they study their coworkers’ organizational roles and almost instinctively assess their short-and long-range utility or value. A person’s value is based on where he or she fits into the organizational hierarchy (sometimes referred to as position power), technical abilities (expert power), access to information (knowledge power), and whether he or she controls staff, money, and other assets (resource power). Turns out it’s quite easy for them. Their thrill seeking nature is mistaken for prized employee qualities like “high energy” and being “action oriented.” And their lack of feelings? Oh, in the business world we call that “ability to make tough decisions.” Or someone who is “cool under fire.” You know… the stuff leaders are made of. And then they go to work making sure they look good, their rivals look bad and that all the evidence is well hidden.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: Specifically, their game plans involved manipulating communication networks to enhance their own reputation, to disparage others, and to create conflicts and rivalries among organization members, thereby keeping them from sharing information that might uncover the deceit. They also spread disinformation in the interest of protecting their scam and furthering their own careers. Being exceedingly clever and secretive, they were able to cloak their association with the disinformation, leading others to believe that they were innocent of manipulation. If they’ve invaded your personal life, they use that bonding to start getting what they want from you. In the workplace they quickly distinguish between “pawns” and “patrons.” Pawns are the co-workers and subordinates they manipulate like chess pieces. Patrons are upper management who they get close to for help climbing the corporate ladder. Maybe someone does catch on to their schemes. But did the whistle blower spend time making sure upper management likes and trusts them? Because the psychopath did. Guess who senior management trusts?

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:  We believe that a breakdown begins to occur when the psychopath’s web of deceit and manipulation becomes unwieldy and too many people have had glimpses of their dark side. Eventually, someone tries to do something about it. A former pawn might challenge or confront the individual, and perhaps even try to bring the situation to the attention of higher-ups. Unfortunately, by this time the psychopath is well positioned through the influence networks already established with others in the power hierarchy. The tables are turned because the credibility of the complaining employee has already been “managed” and undermined.

Now is not the time to stop reading. As Yoda said, “If you end your training now – if you choose the quick and easy path as Vader did – you will become an agent of evil.” So if psychopaths are so good at covering their tracks, how do we spot them?

How To Identify A Psychopath

Now don’t go falling into the trap of playing amateur psychoanalyst, calling everyone who has ever been mean to you a psychopath. But, that said, this is an area where the research says you actually might be able to “trust your gut.” Studies show psychopaths really do make some people feel queasy. Why? The researchers suspect it might be an evolutionary response to an “intraspecies predator.”

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: In a recent study, researchers J. Reid Meloy and M. J. Meloy studied the reactions of mental health and criminal justice professionals concerning their “physical reactions” while interviewing psychopathic offenders or patients. The reactions were varied and included sensations and feelings that were gastrointestinal (queasy stomach, feeling of illness), muscular (shaky feeling, weakness), cardiovascular (pounding heart), pulmonary (shortness of breath.) The authors suggested that their findings could be interpreted as suggestive evidence of a primitive, autonomic, and fearful response to a predator. They described the psychopath as an intraspecies predator. (Sad part is that psychopaths have a “Spidey-sense” too. Research shows they actually can tell which people are vulnerable targets, just by looking at them.) Beyond that, be skeptical of people who aggressively turn on the charm. If someone is going out of their way to flatter you, ask yourself “Why?” And you know that old saying about not trusting people who are nice to you but mean to waiters at a restaurant? Turns out it’s true. Psychopaths and narcissists are extremely status conscious with a strong tendency to “kiss up and kick down.”

From Without Conscience: Referring to psychologist Harry Levinson’s work on healthy and unhealthy narcissism in managers, Hogan noted that unhealthy narcissists have an almost grandiose sense of certainty and a disdain for subordinates. “They are particularly good at ingratiating themselves with their seniors but brutalize their juniors,” he is quoted as saying.

Alright, so you’re pretty sure this new person in your life or that new co-worker at the office is manipulative and playing puppet-master.

How do the experts recommend you deal with them?

1) Don’t. The End. Oh, if only it were that easy… All the resources I looked at had the same primary suggestion: just get the heck away from them. If it’s your personal life, that’s do-able. At the office, that may not be an option. Companies can avoid hiring sub clinical psychopaths in the first place by using multiple rounds of structured interviews. Flexible interviewing procedures allow charming predators too much room to use their powers of influence. And check references. Psychopaths lie on resumes. A lot. But if you have to deal with them as an individual, and you can’t get away, don’t play their games. They’re better at this than you are. They’ve done it before. Harvard psychologist Martha Stout says you might think you’re being a hero but you’re actually charging into an ambush.

rom The Sociopath Next Door: Do not join the game. Intrigue is a sociopath’s tool. Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, psychoanalyze, or even banter with him. In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself. Even if you win, guess what? Now you’re using manipulative games. Stanford professor Bob Sutton, author of Good Boss, Bad Boss, tells all of his students: When you take a job, take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with — because the odds are you’re going to become like them, they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work. But what’s the attitude most people get wrong when dealing with a possible psychopath?

2) Accept That Some People Are Just Bad News. You might believe all people have good in them. Or that every person can be fixed. Or that they’d be better if. That’s not going to fly here. Sorry.

From The Sociopath Next Door: The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience… Do not try to redeem the unredeemable. You can’t change them. What you can do is get to know how they work and get to know yourself better. Know where your vulnerabilities lie. Because psychopaths are experts at figuring them out. Address your weaknesses before they exploit them.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: As one psychopath put it, “I love do-gooders because they do me such good.” Often a subclinical psychopath is telling so many lies it can be hard to see straight. How do you keep your head clear?

3) Pay Attention To Actions, Not Words. This is another one all the sources agreed on. Don’t listen to the excuses, rationalizations or outright lies. Don’t listen to what they say they will do. Pay attention to what they do . Harvard’s Martha Stout recommends using the “Rule of Threes” to tell honest mistakes from manipulative behavior.

From The Sociopath Next Door: One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Okay, you’re on to them. But they’re a vindictive bunch. How do you protect yourself from retaliation at work?

4) Build Your Reputation And Relationships. The psychopaths at work are always recruiting unsuspecting “patrons” in upper management to unknowingly provide cover for them when rumors about their shady behavior start to circulate. And they’ll also be leveraging these relationships to spread disinformation and lies about anyone who gets in their way or poses a threat. And that might include you. So make sure to build your own relationships and keep a reputation as a hard worker. Be above reproach. Don’t be a complainer. That way when you do complain — senior people listen.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: To protect yourself, make sure you invest energy in managing your own reputation, build open and honest relationships with peers and your boss, work up to your abilities, and follow applicable policies and procedures. And if you’re dealing with a possible psychopath in your personal life, relationships are just as important. Friends can often be more objective than you can. When multiple confidantes say “He/She is no good” you might want to listen.

Alright, you’ve tried everything but you still need to work with them. What’s the best way to do that?

5) Win-Win Agreements. Psychopaths are aggressive personalities. They want to win. If you can make it so it’s easier and more enticing for them to work with you than to try to subvert you, you might be able to keep their ruthlessness in check.

From In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People: When you bargain with any aggressive personality, try to propose as many win-win scenarios as you can. Doing this is extremely important and requires creativity and a particular mind set. But in my experience, it’s perhaps the single most effective personal empowerment tool because it puts to constructive use the aggressive personality’s determination to win.

Alright, we’ve covered a lot. Let’s round it up and learn the most important thing you need to remember for the long term so a psychopath doesn’t really screw up your life…

Sum Up

 Here’s how to deal with a psychopath:  Don’t. 1) Run. 2) Are you sure you can’t run?   3) Accept that some people are just bad news: A tiger is not a good house pet. And you will not change that fact. 4) Pay attention to actions, not words: No excuses. No BS. Use the “Rule of Threes.” 5) Build your reputation and relationships: You need a good defense and good advice.  6) Win-win agreements: Make it easier to go through you than to destroy you. When in the middle of a death match with a ruthless monster of a human being, being cynical is like having ESP. A jaded perspective can keep you one step ahead of them. But in the long term it can be toxic. Don’t give up on all people just because you dealt with a really bad one.

Mother Nature has a sense of humor. On one hand you have psychopaths, who have zero empathy. On the other hand, there are people with Williams Syndrome. They have too much empathy. They trust everyone. They love everyone:…kids and adults with Williams love people, and they are literally pathologically trusting. They have no social fear. Researchers theorize that this is probably because of a problem in their limbic system, the part of the brain that regulates emotion. There appears to be a disregulation in one of the chemicals (oxytocin) that signals when to trust and when to distrust. This means that it is essentially biologically impossible for kids like Isabelle to distrust. Some people are too good, some too bad. And most of us are somewhere in the middle. Don’t let a bad experience with one person ruin the party.

From The Sociopath Next Door: Do not allow someone without conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure. Most human beings do possess conscience. Most human beings are able to love. To have a happy life and a productive career, you may need to give up on particular people. But that doesn’t mean you have to give up on people.


Courtesy: 5 Ways to Deal With a Psychopath by Eric Barker, TIME Oct.18, 2016.This article originally appeared on Barking Up The Wrong Tree.

  * * *



The Art of Letting Go

whatever-comesSooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They’ll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they’ll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It’s inevitable. Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone’s words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you’re headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you’ll get. You’ll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you’ll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don’t stop doing it, you’ll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?

Take responsibility for your feelings. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. In other words, other people do not ’cause’ your feelings. You choose them. For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were ‘stupid and idiotic.’ One person may ‘choose’ to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may ‘choose’ to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn’t see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you’re stuck. You’re a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there’s hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Walk away from disappointment. It’s difficult to do, but it’s possible. The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume set of books on ‘The French Revolution’ for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it. Five days later, Mill’s maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle’s house to tell him that his work had been destroyed. Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said,’ that’s all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don’t worry. It’s all here in my mind. Go, my friend! Do not feel bad.’ As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, ‘I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune.’ And with a heavy sigh, he added, ‘Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again.’

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript?  Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started.

And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn’t. Those are your only two choices. Sometimes you’ve just got to shake it off and step up. It’s like the farmer who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well. After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled. The farmer asked his neighbors to help him with the shoveling.  To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule’s back, the mule became frightened. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back; he would shake it off and step up. Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd.

That’s the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up.

Forgive. It’s difficult, especially when the other person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness or doesn’t even seek it. It’s difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person’s behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person is off the hook. He’s still responsible for his misbehavior. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It’s about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It’s about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you’ll be way ahead of most people. You’ll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

* * *

Tips for Happy Healthy Life


  1. Drink plenty of water.
  2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
  3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
  4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
  5. Make time for prayer and reflection
  6. Play more games.
  7. Read more books than you did in 2012.
  8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
  9. Sleep for 7 hours.


  1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day —- and while you walk, smile.
  2. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
  3. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
  4. Don’t over do; keep your limits.
  5. Don’t take yourself so seriously; no one else does.
  6. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
  7. Dream more while you are awake.
  8. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
  9. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
  10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
  11. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
  12. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
  13. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
  14. Smile and laugh more.
  15. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.


  1. Call your family often.
  2. Each day give something good to others.
  3. Forgive everyone for everything.
  4. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
  5. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
  6. What other people think of you is none of your business.
  7. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.


  1. Do the right things.
  2. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
  3. Forgiveness heals everything.
  4. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
  5. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
  6. The best is yet to come.
  7. When you awake alive in the morning, don’t take it for granted – embrace life.
  8. Your inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
  9. Last but not least , Enjoy LIFE!

                                    * * *

Regrets of an Old Person

learn to flyThe following are some regrets confessed by an old and dying person. Don’t let these regrets be a part your life. Live your life fully and without regrets.

Not traveling when you had the chance. Traveling becomes infinitely harder the older you get, especially if you have a family and need to pay the way for three-plus people instead of just yourself.

Not learning another language. You’ll kick yourself when you realize you took three years of language in high school and remember none of it.

Staying in a bad relationship. No one who ever gets out of a bad relationship looks back without wishing they made the move sooner.

Forgoing sunscreen. Wrinkles, moles, and skin cancer can largely be avoided if you protect yourself.

Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians. “Nah, dude, I’ll catch Nirvana next time they come through town.’’

Being scared to do things. Looking back you’ll think, what was I so afraid of?

Failing to make physical fitness a priority. Too many of us spend the physical peak of our lives on the couch. When you hit 40, 50, 60, and beyond, you’ll dream of what you could have done.

Letting yourself be defined by gender roles. Few things are as sad as an old person saying, “Well, it just wasn’t done back then.”

Not quitting a terrible job. Look, you gotta pay the bills. But if you don’t make a plan to improve your situation, you might wake up one day having spent 40 years in hell.

Not trying harder in school. It’s not just that your grades play a role in determining where you end up in life. Eventually you’ll realize how neat it was to get to spend all day learning, and wish you’d paid more attention.

Not realizing how beautiful you were. Too many of us spend our youth unhappy with the way we look, but the reality is, that’s when we’re our most beautiful.

Being afraid to say “I love you.” When you’re old, you won’t care if your love wasn’t returned — only that you made it known how you felt.

Not listening to your parents’ advice. You don’t want to hear it when you’re young, but the infuriating truth is that most of what your parents say about life is true.

Spending your youth self-absorbed. You’ll be embarrassed about it, frankly.

Caring too much about what other people think. In 20 years you won’t give a darn about any of those people you once worried so much about.

Supporting others’ dreams over your own. Supporting others is a beautiful thing, but not when it means you never get to shine.

Not moving on fast enough. Old people look back at the long periods spent picking themselves off the ground as nothing but wasted time.

Holding grudges, especially with those you love. What’s the point of re-living the anger over and over?

Not standing up for yourself. Old people don’t take sh*t from anyone. Neither should you.

Not volunteering enough. OK, so you probably won’t regret not volunteering Hunger Games style, but nearing the end of one’s life without having helped to make the world a better place is a great source of sadness for many.

Neglecting your teeth. Brush. Floss. Get regular checkups. It will all seem so maddeningly easy when you have dentures.

Missing the chance to ask your grandparents questions before they die. Most of us realize too late what an awesome resource grandparents are. They can explain everything you’ll ever wonder about where you came from, but only if you ask them in time.

Working too much. No one looks back from their deathbed and wishes they spent more time at the office, but they do wish they spent more time with family, friends, and hobbies.

Not learning how to cook one awesome meal. Knowing one drool-worthy meal will make all those dinner parties and celebrations that much more special.

Not stopping enough to appreciate the moment. Young people are constantly on the go, but stopping to take it all in now and again is a good thing.

Failing to finish what you start. Failing to finish what you start. “I had big dreams of becoming a nurse. I even signed up for the classes, but then…”

Never mastering one awesome party trick. You will go to hundreds, if not thousands, of parties in your life. Wouldn’t it be cool to be the life of them all?

Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations. Don’t let them tell you, “We don’t do that.”

Refusing to let friendships run their course. People grow apart. Clinging to what was, instead of acknowledging that things have changed, can be a source of ongoing agitation and sadness.

Not playing with your kids enough. When you’re old, you’ll realize your kid went from wanting to play with you to wanting you out of their room in the blink of an eye.

Never taking a big risk (especially in love). Knowing that you took a leap of faith at least once — even if you fell flat on your face — will be a great comfort when you’re old.

Not taking the time to develop contacts and network. Networking may seem like a bunch of crap when you’re young, but later on it becomes clear that it’s how so many jobs are won.

Worrying too much. As Tom Petty sang, “Most things I worry about never happen anyway.”

Getting caught up in needless drama. Who needs it?

Not spending enough time with loved ones. Not spending enough time with loved ones. Our time with our loved ones is finite. Make it count.

Never performing in front of others. This isn’t a regret for everyone, but many elderly people wish they knew — just once — what it was like to stand in front of a crowd and show off their talents.

Not being grateful sooner. It can be hard to see in the beginning, but eventually it becomes clear that every moment on this earth — from the mundane to the amazing — is a gift that we’re all so incredibly lucky to share.

* * *

Becoming Unstoppable

UnstoppableA lot of people are good at what they do. Some are even elite. A select few are completely unstoppable. Those who are unstoppable are in their own world. They don’t compete with anyone but themselves. You never know what they will do—only that you will be forced to respond. Even though they don’t compete with you, they make you compete with them.

Are you unstoppable? Let me suggest a few ideas that have helped people becoming unstoppable .

Don’t think—know and act. “Don’t think. You already know what you have to do, and you know how to do it. What’s stopping you?”~Tim Grover. Rather than analyzing and thinking, act. Attuned to your senses, and with complete trust in yourself, do what you instinctively feel you should. As Oprah has said, “Every right decision I have ever made has come from my gut. Every wrong decision I’ve made was the result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself.” The moment you start thinking, you’ve already lost. Thinking swiftly pulls you out of the zone.

Always be prepared so you have the freedom to act on instinct. “Just as the yin-yang symbol possesses a kernel of light in the dark, and of dark in the light, creative leaps are grounded in a technical foundation.”~ Josh Waitzkin. Become a master of your craft. While everyone else is relaxing, you’re practicing and perfecting. Learn the left-brained rules in and out so your right brain can have limitless freedom to break the rules and create. With enhanced consciousness, time will slow down for you. You’ll see things in several more frames than others. While they’re trying to react to the situation, you’ll be able to manipulate and tweak the situation to your liking.

Don’t be motivated by money or anything external. Having nice things is, well, nice. But for you, it’s never been about the money, prestige or anything else outside of you. Take these things away and nothing changes for you. You’re still going to be pushing your personal limits and giving it your all. Give these things to you and they won’t destroy you like they do most people.

Never be satisfied. “The drive to close the gap between near-perfect and perfect is the difference between great and unstoppable.”~Tim Grover. Even after you achieve a goal, you’re not content. For you, it’s not even about the goal. It’s about the climb to see how far you can push yourself. Does this make you ungrateful? Absolutely not. You’re entirely humbled and grateful for everything in your life. Which is why you will never get complacent or lazy.

Always be in control. Unlike most people, who are dependent on substances or other external factors, you are in control of what you put in your body, how you spend your time and how long you stay in the zone. Act based on instinct, not impulse. Just because you could doesn’t mean you do. And when you do, it’s because you want to, not because you have to.

Be true to yourself. Although 70 percent of US employees hate their jobs and only one in three Americans report being happy, relentless and unstoppable people purge everything from their life they hate. Have the self-respect and confidence to live life on your terms. When something isn’t right in your life, change it. Immediately.

Never let off the pressure. “Pressure can bust pipes, but it also can make diamonds.”~Tim Grover. Most people can handle pressure in small doses. But when left to their own devices, they let off the pressure and relax. Not you. You never take the pressure off yourself. Instead , you continuously turn-up the pressure. It’s what keeps you alert and active.

Don’t be afraid of the consequences of failure. Most people stay close to the ground, where it’s safe. If they fall, it won’t hurt that bad. But when you choose to fly high, the fall may kill you. And you’re OK with that. To you, there is no ceiling and there is no floor. It’s all in your head. If something goes wrong—if you “fail”—you adjust and keep going.

Don’t compete with others. Make them compete with you. Most people are competing with other people. They continuously check-in to see what others in their space (their “competition”) are doing. As a result, they mimic and copy what’s “working.” Conversely, you’ve left all competition behind. Competing with others makes absolutely zero sense to you. It pulls you from your authentic zone. So you zone out all the external noise and instead zone in to your internal pressure to produce.

Never stop learning. Ordinary people seek entertainment. Extraordinary people seek education and learning. When you want to become the best at what you do, you never stop learning. You never stop improving and honing your skills and knowledge. Your unparalleled preparation is what gives you power. No one else is willing to pay the price you’ve paid.

Success isn’t enough—it only increases the pressure. For most people, becoming “successful” is enough. However, when you’re relentless, success only increases the pressure to do more. Immediately following the achievement of a goal, you’re focused on your next challenge.

Don’t get crushed by success. “Success can become a catalyst for failure.”~ Greg McKeown. Most people can’t handle success, authority or privilege. It destroys them. It makes them lazy. When they get what they want, they stop doing the very things that got them there. The external noise becomes too intense. But for you, no external noise can push harder than your own internal pressure. It’s not about this achievement, but the one after, and the one after that. There is no destination. Only, when you’re finished.

Completely own it when you screw up. “Implementing extreme ownership requires checking your ego and operating with a high degree of humility. Admitting mistakes, taking ownership and developing a plan to overcome challenges are integral to any successful team.”~ Jocko Willink. No blame. No deception or illusion. Just the cold hard truth. When you mess up, you own it. And as the leader, you own it when your team fails. Only with extreme ownership can you have complete freedom and control.

Let your work speak for itself. “Well done, is well said.”~ Anthony Liccione. Cal Newport’s recent book, Deep Work, distinguishes “deep work” from “shallow work.” Deep work is: Rare; High value; And non-replicable (i.e., not easy to copy/outsource). Shallow work is: Common; Low value; Replicable (i.e., anyone can do it). Talking is shallow. Anyone can do it. It’s easily replicated. It’s low value. Conversely, deep work is rare. It’s done by people who are focused and working while everyone else is talking. Deep work is so good it can’t be ignored. It doesn’t need words. It speaks for itself.

Always work on your mental strength. “Mental resilience is arguably the most critical trait of a world-class performer, and it should be nurtured continuously. Left to my own devices, I am always looking for ways to become more and more psychologically impregnable. When uncomfortable, my instinct is not to avoid the discomfort but to become at peace with it. My instinct is always to seek out challenges as opposed to avoiding them.”~Josh Waitzkin. The better you can be under pressure, the further you’ll go than anyone else. Because they’ll crumble under pressure. The best training you will ever do is mental training. Wherever your mind goes, your body follows. Wherever your thoughts go, your life follows.

Confidence is your greatest asset. You’ve heard it before: Running a marathon is far more mental than physical. A person’s ability to run a marathon—or do anything hard—is more a reflection of their level of confidence than their actual ability. Your confidence determines: The size of challenges/goals you undertake; How likely you will achieve those goals ; and How well you bounce back from failures. If you’re not confident, you will never put yourself out there in the first place. When you’re confident, you don’t care how many times you fail, you’re going to succeed. And it doesn’t matter how stacked the odds seem against you.

Surround yourself with people who remind you of the future, not the past. When you surround yourself with people who remind you of your past, you’ll have a hard time progressing. This is why we get stuck in certain roles, which we can’t break free from (e.g., the fat kid or shy guy). Surrounding yourself with people who you want to be like allows you a fresh slate. You’re no longer defined by your past, only the future you are creating.

Let things go, but never forget. Being unstoppable requires carrying no unnecessary mental or emotional baggage. Consequently, you’ll need to immediately and completely forgive anyone who has wronged you. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget. And it doesn’t mean you have to do further business with those who have wronged you.

Have clear goals.“While a fixation on results is certainly unhealthy, short-term goals can be useful developmental tools if they are balanced within a nurturing long-term philosophy.”~Josh Waitzkin. According to loads of psychology research, the most motivating goals are clearly defined and time-bound. Your goals can either be focused on your behaviors (e.g., I’m going to write 500 words per day) or on the outcomes you’re seeking (e.g., I’m going to get published on The New York Times by June 1, 2016). For most people, behaviorally-focused goals are the better and more motivating option. But when you crave the results so much that the work is irrelevant, your aim should be directed straight at the outcomes you want. However, results-focused goals are better when short-term and grounded in your long-term vision and philosophy. When your why is strong enough, the how will take care of itself.

Respond immediately, rather than analyzing or stalling. “He who hesitates is lost.”~ Cato. Anticipation of an event is always more extreme than the event itself—both for positive and negative events. Just do it. Train yourself to respond immediately when you feel you should do something. Stop questioning yourself. Don’t analyze it. Don’t question if it came from God or from yourself. Just act. You’ll figure out what to do after you’ve taken action. Until you take action, it will all be hypothetical. But once you act, it becomes practical.

Choose simplicity over complication. “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”~Albert Einstein. It’s easy to be complicated. Most of the research and jargon in academia and business is over-complicated. Cutting to the core and hitting the truth is hard, because it’s simple. As Leonardo da Vinci has said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Very few people will give you the truth. When you ask them a question, it gets mighty complicated. “There are so many variables” or “It depends” they say. T. S. Eliot said it best, “Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?” Wisdom is timeless and simple. Learn wisdom and choose it.

Never be jealous or envious of someone else’s accomplishments. Being unstoppable means you genuinely want what’s best for everyone—even those you would consider your competitors. Jealousy and envy are the ego—which operates out of fear. The reason you are happy for other people’s success is because their success has nothing to do with you. You are in control of you. And you are different from every other person. There is no one who can do exactly what you can do. You have your own superpower with your own unique ability to contribute. And that’s what you’re going to do.

Take the shot every time. “If I fail more than you, I win.”~ Seth Godin. You miss every shot you don’t take. And most people don’t want to take the shot. Fear of failure paralyzes them. The only way you can become unstoppable is if you stop thinking about it. Just take the shot. Don’t do it only when it’s convenient or when you feel ready. Just go and make whatever adjustments you need after the fact.

Don’t get caught up in the results of your success. Always remain focused on what got you those results: the work. When you start doing noteworthy stuff, there are benefits that can become distractions. It can get easy to “ride the wave” of your previous work. Keep practicing. Perfect your craft. Never forget what got you here.

Think and act 10X. “When 10X is your measuring stick, you immediately see how you can bypass what everyone else is doing.”~ Dan Sullivan. Most people—even those you deem to be “world class”—are not operating at 10X. In truth, you could surpass anyone if you radically stretch your thinking and belief system. Going 10X changes everything. As Dan Sullivan has said, “10X thinking automatically takes you ‘outside the box’ of your present obstacles and limitations.” It pulls you out of the problems most people are dealing with and opens you to an entirely new field of possibilities. When you take your goal of earning $100,000 this year and change it to $1,000,000, you’re forced to operate at a different level. The logical and traditional approach doesn’t work with 10X. As Shane Snow has said, “10X progress is built on bravery and creativity instead. Working smarter.” The question is: Are you willing to go there? Not just entertain the thought for a second or two and then revert back to common thinking. No. Are you willing to sit with 10X thinking? Are you willing to question your own thought processes and open yourself to believing an entirely different set of possibilities? Could you convince yourself to believe in your 10X potential? Are you willing to undertake goals that seems lunacy, to you and everyone else? Are you willing to take the mental leap, trusting “the universe will conspire to make it happen”?

Set goals that far exceed your current capabilities.“You need to aim beyond what you are capable of. You need to develop a complete disregard for where your abilities end. If you think you’re unable to work for the best company in its sphere, make that your aim. If you think you’re unable to be on the cover of TIME magazine, make it your business to be there. Make your vision of where you want to be a reality. Nothing is impossible.”~Paul Arden. If your goals are logical, they won’t force you to create luck. Being unstoppable means your goals challenge you to be someone more than you currently are. As Jim Rohn has said, “Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better.”

 Make time for recovery and rejuvenation.“Wherever you are, make sure you’re there.”~Dan Sullivan.When you focus on results, rather than being busy, you’re 100 percent on when you’re working and 100 percent off when you’re not. This not only allows you to be present in the moment, but it allows you the needed time to rest and recover. Your ability to work at a high level is like fitness. If you never take a break between sets, you won’t be able to build strength, stamina and endurance. However, not all “rest” produces recovery. Certain things are more soothing than others. Recovering from my work generally consists of writing in my journal, listening to music, spending time with my wife and kids, preparing and eating delicious food, or serving other people. These things rejuvenate me. They make my work possible, but also meaningful. Start before you’re ready. “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”~Chinese Proverb. Most people wait. They believe they can start after they have enough time, money, connections and credentials. They wait until they feel “secure.” Not people who are unstoppable. Unstoppable people started last year. They started five years ago before they even knew what they were doing. They started before they had any money. They started before they had all the answers. They started when no one else believed in them. The only permission they needed was the voice inside them prompting them to move forward. And they moved.

If you need permission, you probably shouldn’t do it. A mentor of mine is a highly successful real estate investor. Throughout his career, he’s had hundreds of people ask him if they should “go into real-estate.” He tells every one of them the same thing: that they shouldn’t do it. In fact, he actually tries talking most of them out of it. And in most cases he succeeds. Why would he do that? “Those who are going to succeed will do so regardless of what I say,” he told me. I know so many people who chase whatever worked for other people. They never truly decide what they want to do, and end up jumping from one thing to the next—trying to strike quick gold. And repetitively, they stop digging just a few feet from the gold after resigning the spot is barren. No one will ever give you permission to live your dreams.

Don’t make exceptions. Zig Ziglar used to tell a story of traveling one day and not getting in bed until 4 a.m. An hour and a half later (5:30), his alarm went off. He said, “Every fiber of my being was telling me to stay in bed.” But he had made a commitment, so he got up anyway. Admittedly, he had a horrible day and wasn’t productive at all. Yet, he says that decision changed his life. As he explains: “Had I bowed to my human, physical, emotional and mental desire to sleep in, I would have made that exception. A week later, I might have made an exception if I only got four hours of sleep. A week later, maybe I only got seven hours of sleep. The exception so many times becomes the rule. Had I slept in, I would’ve faced that danger. Watch those exceptions!” Hence, Zig was unstoppable. “From this point, your strategy is to make everyone else get on your level, you’re not going down to theirs. You’re not competing with anyone else, ever again. They’re going to have to compete with you. From now on, the end result is all that matters.”~Tim Grover. When you’re unstoppable, you will make sure to get what you want. Everything you need to know is already within you. All you need to do is trust yourself and act.

Are you unstoppable? Try to adopt some or all of the suggestions here and see for yourself that you will soon become unstoppable. Good luck and best wishes.





Life Begins At Fifty Five

Life-Begins-At-55Life can begin at 55, it is all in your hands! Many people feel unhappy, health-wise and security-wise, after 60 years of age, owing to the diminishing importance given to them and their opinions. But, it need not be so, if we can understand the basic principles of life and follow them scrupulously.

Here are a few mantras which would help you to age gracefully and make your life pleasant even after retirement.

Never say I am aged. There are three ages, chronological, biological, and psychological. The first is calculated based on our date of birth; the second is determined by the health conditions; the third is how old we feel we are. While we don’t have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age.

Health is wealth. If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority. Thus, you will not be a burden to them. Have an annual health check-up and take the prescribed medicines regularly. Do take health insurance coverage.

Money is important. Money is essential for meeting the basic necessities of life, keeping good health and earning family respect and security. Don’t spend beyond your means even for your children. You have lived for them all through and it is time now that you enjoyed a harmonious life with your spouse. If your children are grateful and they take care of you, you are blessed. But, never take it for granted.

Relaxation and recreation. The most relaxing and recreating forces are a healthy positive attitude, good sleep, music and laughter. Have faith in the laws of universe, learn to sleep well, love good music and see the bright and funny side of life.

Time is precious. It is almost like holding a horse’s reins. When they are in your hands, you can control them. Imagine that every day you are born again. Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is ready cash – use it profitably. Live this moment; live it fully, now, in the present time.

Change is the only permanent thing. We should accept change – it is inevitable. The only way to make sense out of change is to join in the dance. Change has brought about many pleasant things. We should be happy that our children are blessed.

Enlightened selfishness. All of us are basically selfish. Whatever we do, we expect something in return. We should definitely be grateful to those who stood by us. But, our focus should be on the internal satisfaction and the happiness we derive by doing good for others, without expecting anything in return. Perform a random act of kindness daily.

Forget and forgive. Don’t be bothered too much about others’ mistakes. We are not spiritual enough to show our other cheek when we are slapped in one. But for the sake of our own health and happiness, let us forgive and forget them. Otherwise, we will be only increasing our blood pressure.

Everything has a purpose. Take life as it comes. Accept yourself as you are and also accept others for what they are. Everybody is unique and is right in his own way.

Overcome the fear of death. We all know that one day we have to leave this world. Still we are afraid of death. We think that our spouse and children will be unable to withstand our loss. But the truth is no one is going to die for you; they may be depressed for some time. Time heals everything and they will go.

* * *

Career Lessons

life-career-lessons-from-john-w-garnder-2-638Throughout your career you are going to learn many lessons every day of your working life. Here, today, I am sharing some of the ones I’ve learned myself thus far. So, if you haven’t learned all these lessons yet, these suggestions can save you some trouble.

  1. Bring value. That’s all that matters. If your value outweighs the negatives, you will be fine. When it doesn’t, you are dead weight and will be cut loose.
  1. It’s not about you. Everyone is the protagonist in their own story.
  1. Don’t take anything personally. Everyone has their own reasons for doing things that have nothing to do with you, even when it affects you or hurts you.
  1. Pick your battles. You don’t have to fight about everything, even when you know you’re right. People will just think you’re a jerk who likes to fight about stuff and will stop listening to you. Fight for the things that really matter.
  1. Sometimes it’s best just to shut your face. Before you say anything, ask yourself if it really needs to be said. More often than you expect, the answer will be no.
  1. Everyone is winging it. Some of us have more education, experience, and training, but at the heart of it, we’re all playing the same guessing game.
  1. It is all about who you know. The majority of jobs are gotten through recommendations. You won’t get anywhere unless people know and like you.
  1. Be nice, always be nice. Also, you never know what someone else is going through.
  1. Make friends. Go out of your way to make friends at work. These are the people who will have your back.
  1. Trust no one. Be on your guard because you never know who’s going to throw you under the bus.
  1. Don’t gossip. It makes you look like an a***ole. Also, it will probably get back to the subject.
  1. Don’t complain. People hate complainers. It creates a negative environment or something.
  1. Some people just suck. People will do mean, nasty, thoughtless things and there is nothing you can do about it.
  1. You might as well just shrug it off. There’s no point in getting worked up about it, unless its bullying or something that is actually worth standing up against.
  1. Stand up for what is right. Not when you think you are right but when something is the right thing to do. Have the wisdom to know the difference.
  1. Justice will often take care of itself. Not always, but often. If someone is terrible, the odds are good it will eventually come back to them. A lot of the time you can just sit back and wait for it.
  1. Take direction graciously. Even from someone you dislike or when you disagree with the action. Often the problem is your ego. Sometimes you need to challenge the directions, other times you just need to do what you’re told.
  1. It is your job. The phrase “that’s not my job” is a career killer. Treat everything that needs doing and that you are capable of doing like it’s your job. It’s what separates the adults from the children.
  1. If it’s worth doing by anyone, it’s worth doing by you. Your superiority to the person cleaning the toilet is all in your own mind. Get over yourself.
  1. What you do matters. You’re going to spend at least a third of your life at work. Make sure it’s something you enjoy doing – even better if it makes the world a better place .
  1. Buy the coffee. Doing small favours for people makes them feel disproportionately indebted to you, according to research. Do as many small favours as possible and you’re more likely to get a big one in return.
  1. You are expendable. I’ve seen people win huge company awards and get laid off two months later.
  1. Listen. Actually listen to what other people are saying instead of waiting for your turn to talk.
  1. Pay attention. Pay attention to what is happening around you. That way nothing will catch you off guard, like ninjas or zombies.
  1. Be punctual. It’s rude to make people wait for you.
  1. If you can’t be punctual, make up for it by working harder or being better than everyone else. Some people just have a really hard time being on time.
  1. Who gets mad first loses. Always keep your cool. You are vulnerable when you are angry.
  1. Shower, wear deodorant, and visit the dentist. There is one smelly person in every workplace. Nobody ever thinks it’s them.
  1. Be careful about what you share. People don’t want or need to know everything about you. We all have secrets that should stay secrets.
  1. Don’t crap on people’s ideas. No matter how stupid, ridiculous, and idiotic those ideas might be, always say “that’s interesting…” before moving on to something else.
  1. If someone says “that’s interesting,” they think your idea is stupid.
  1. Go the extra mile. Nobody ever achieved success by doing the bare minimum. Go above and beyond and you will be rewarded in one way or another.
  1. Everything is its own reward. Just do good work and that will pay for itself. Don’t worry about what it will get you.
  1. So, mind your own business. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does. Mow your own lawn and forget about the neighbours’.
  1. Try to do it yourself before asking for help. If you bug people with questions about things you could just Google and learn yourself, you will drive them crazy and they will want to smack you .
  1. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Never go back on your word. It erodes people’s trust in you.
  1. Underpromise and over deliver. A good trick is to promise less than you know you can do. Your results will be extra impressive.
  1. Never betray anyone’s trust. Keep other people’s secrets as well as your own, and don’t share information that was given to you in confidence.
  1. Don’t get super wasted with your coworkers. Even if they’re all total boozehounds, don’t get drunk to the point where you’re saying things you will regret as soon as you are reminded of them later.
  1. Always be learning. Technology is changing everything. Whatever your job is, it will probably be a very different job 5 or 10 years from now.

Good luck and best wishes.

* * *

Understanding Body Language

body  languageThe effective use of body language plays a key role in effective leadership communication. Here are some tips I’ve learned and practised during the past three decades of teaching and mentoring students and consulting business leaders and their teams around the world:

To boost your confidence, assume a power pose

Research at Harvard and Columbia Business Schools shows that simply holding your body in expansive, “high-power” poses (leaning back with hands behind the head and feet up on a desk, or standing with legs and arms stretched wide open) for as little as two minutes stimulates higher levels of testosterone—the hormone linked to power and dominance—and lower levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. Try this when you’re feeling tentative but want to appear confident. In addition to causing hormonal shifts in both males and females, these poses lead to increased feelings of power and a higher tolerance for risk. The study also found that people are more often influenced by how they feel about you than by what you’re saying.

To increase participation, look like you’re listening

If you want people to speak up, don’t multitask while they do. Avoid the temptation to check your text messages, check your watch, or check out how the other participants are reacting. Instead, focus on those who are speaking by turning your head and torso to face them directly and by making eye contact. Leaning forward, nodding, and tilting your head are other nonverbal ways to show you’re engaged and paying attention. It’s important to hear people. It’s just as important to make sure they know you are listening.

To encourage collaboration, remove barriers

Physical obstructions are especially detrimental to collaborative efforts. Take away anything that blocks your view or forms a barrier between you and the rest of the team. Even during a coffee break, be aware that you may create a barrier by holding your cup and saucer in a way that seems deliberately to block your body or distance you from others. A senior executive told me he could evaluate his team’s comfort by how high they held their coffee cups. It was his observation that the more insecure individuals felt, the higher they held their coffee. People with their hands held at waist level were more comfortable than those with hands chest high.

To connect instantly with someone, shake hands

Touch is the most primitive and powerful nonverbal cue. Touching someone on the arm, hand, or shoulder for as little as 1/40th of a second creates a human bond. In the workplace, physical touch and warmth are established through the handshaking tradition, and this tactile contact makes a lasting and positive impression. A study on handshakes showed that people are two times more likely to remember you if you shake hands with them. The trade show researchers also found that people react to those with whom they shake hands by being more open and friendly.

To stimulate good feelings, smile

A genuine smile not only stimulates your own sense of well-being, it also tells those around you that you are approachable, cooperative, and trustworthy. A genuine smile comes on slowly, crinkles the eyes, lights up the face, and fades away slowly. Most important, smiling directly influences how other people respond to you. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.

To show agreement, mirror expressions and postures

When clients or business colleagues unconsciously imitate your body language, it’s their way of nonverbally saying that they like or agree with you. When you mirror other people with intent, it can be an important part of building rapport and nurturing feelings of mutuality. Mirroring starts by observing a person’s facial and body gestures and then subtly letting your body take on similar expressions and postures. Doing so will make the other person feel understood and accepted.

To improve your speech, use your hands

Brain imaging has shown that a region called Broca’s area, which is important for speech production, is active not only when we’re talking, but when we wave our hands. Since gesture is integrally linked to speech, gesturing as we talk can actually power up our thinking. Whenever people incorporate gestures into their deliveries, you will find that their verbal content improves. Experiment with this and you’ll find that the physical act of gesturing helps you form clearer thoughts and speak in tighter sentences with more declarative language.

To learn the truth, watch people’s feet

When people try to control their body language, they focus primarily on facial expressions, body postures, and hand/arm gestures. Since the legs and feet are left unrehearsed, they are also where the truth can most often be found. Under stress, people will often display nervousness and anxiety through increased foot movements. Feet will fidget, shuffle, and wind around each other or around the furniture. Feet will stretch and curl to relieve tension, or even kick out in a miniaturized attempt to run away. Studies show that observers have greater success judging a person’s real emotional state when they can see the entire body. You may not know it, but instinctively you’ve been reacting to foot gestures all your life.

To sound authoritative, keep your voice down

Before a speech or important telephone call, allow your voice to relax into its optimal pitch (a technique I learned from a speech therapist) by keeping your lips together and making the sounds “um hum, um hum, um hum.” And if you are a female, watch that your voice doesn’t rise at the ends of sentences as if you are asking a question or seeking approval. Instead, when stating your opinion, use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end.

To improve your memory, uncross your arms and legs

Body language researchers Allan and Barbara Pease report a fascinating finding from one of their studies: When a group of volunteers attended a lecture and sat with unfolded arms and legs, they remembered 38% more than a group that attended the same lecture and sat with folded arms and legs. To improve your retention, uncross your arms and legs. If you see your audience exhibiting defensive body language, change tactics, take a break, or get them to move—and don’t try to persuade them until their bodies open up.

If you follow these simple and powerful body language tips, you’ll surely increase your nonverbal impact.

* * *

The Awakening

awakeningA time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your soul cries out… Enough ! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your Awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are, and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that ‘alone’ does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels the soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people… and you learn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the Earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can. This is your Awakening.

* * *

Wisdom from Japan

japaneseForeigners could probably talk about the mysterious and inscrutable nature of Japanese culture for hours on end. What is most fascinating and captivating about this country is, perhaps, the fact that despite its modernity and immense technological achievements, its people continue to maintain very strong links with their roots and ancient traditions. Perhaps, this is where the root of enlightenment is to be found. To give you a little more insight into the culture of this fascinating and deeply wise nation, here are some ancient Japanese sayings.

 If a problem can be solved, then it’s not worth worrying about it. If it can’t be solved, then it’s useless to worry about it.
 Having taken the time to think, venture to act. Once you’ve done so, stop thinking.
 Do not hold back that which is departing; do not chase away that which is arriving.
 Fast means going slowly without interruption.
 It is better to be the enemy of a good person than the friend of a bad one.
 There has never been a great individual who did not have ordinary people at their side.
 He who strongly desires to rise up will think of a way to build a ladder.
 A husband and wife should be similar to a hand and an eye: when one’s hand hurts, the eyes cry; and when the eyes cry, the hand wipes away one’s tears.
 The sun does not know who is right or who is wrong. It shines without purpose and provides warmth to all.
 A frog in a well does not know the greatness of the sea.
 A long journey always begins with a short one.
 He who drinks does not know the dangers of wine; he who doesn’t drink does not know its benefits.
 Even if a sword is only required once in a lifetime, it should be worn all the time.
 Beautiful flowers do not bear good fruit.
 Grief, like a torn dress, should always be left at home.
 When one is in love, even the scars left by smallpox are as beautiful as dimples on a person’s cheeks.
 No one has ever stumbled whilst lying in bed.
 One kind word can keep you warm for three months of winter.
 Always make way for fools and madmen.
 If you want to paint a branch, you have to hear the breath of the wind.
 Check seven times before ever doubting someone.
 Do everything that you can and leave the rest to fate.
 Excessive honesty often borders on stupidity.
 Fortune will always come in to a house with laughter.
 He who endures for just half an hour longer than his opponent can achieve victory.
 As soon as stones can swim, leaves will sink.
 Even monkeys can fall from their trees.
 Cold tea and cold rice are tolerable; what is intolerable is a cold gaze and harsh words.
 If you do not enter the tiger’s cave, you will not catch its cub.
 If a woman wants something, she’ll climb a mountain to get it.
 Ask a question and you feel shame for a moment. Not asking and not knowing means you will feel shame for your whole life.
 A bad craftsman never made a perfect vase.
 The earth always hardens after the rain.
 The deepest rivers flow in silence.
 If you decide to set off on your own journey, you’ll find yourself alone for a thousand kilometers.

Wishing all my friends and readers abundance of health, wealth and happiness in the new year.

* * *

Tips for Success in Life and Business

celebrate-successSometimes what helps us to be successful in our professional lives is not such a great idea in our personal lives — competition is a quality that comes to mind. At the same time, we all have a limited amount of time each day to do the things that we want to do. So, for the sake of saving time and energy, I’m sharing a few tips that will help you to be successful, in both, life and business. This is not an exhaustive list, but it does provide a good starting point. I would love to hear which of these tips you have found useful in life and business , in the comments section.

Add Value. No matter what you do and where you go, you can’t go wrong with adding value. Simply put value is anything that people are willing to pay for. In your professional life, the more value you can offer the more money you can make. In your personal life, more value translates to closer relationships and strong personal growth. The best way to add value is to find the intersection between what people are willing to pay for and what service or product you can offer that is aligned with your values, strengths and goals. How are you adding value to your employers and loved ones today? What can you do to increase your ability to add value?

Follow Your Passion. Reading biographies on great people and from my own personal observations and encounters, I’ve realized that those who achieve greatness professionally and personally follow their passion. The reason why great people are few and far in-between is because most people don’t even know what their passion is. For those that do figure out their passion, most of them don’t follow their passion consistently. This is one of the main reasons why people don’t reach their goals. Do you know what your passion is? If not, what are you going to do to find out? If you do know what you passion is, are you following it?

Be Extraordinary. If you do the same thing as everyone else, it’s hard to be successful. It is important to find the edge and then push past it. That is how you become noticed and get what you want. Whether it is money, meaningful relationships or a sense of personal accomplishment, the extraordinary person attracts them all. How are you extraordinary? If you feel just ordinary, what are you going to do to become extraordinary.

Start Now. There are many factors that go in to become a success in both your professional and personal life but the one step that is required is taking action. Most people miss out on reaching their full potential because they never start. They are always preparing, planning and waiting for the best time to start. The stars rarely align and you will never be completely ready so just start now and adjust along the way. Are you waiting for something before you start? What is your planning to doing ratio? What’s really the worst thing that can happen if you got started right now? If you are someone that’s just been waiting, stop reading this post and get started on what you have been wanting to do.

Hunt for Good Mentors. People who “make it” usually credit their success to a mentor or a group of mentors who really helped guide them to get to where they are. Mentors have gone down the road that you want to travel and can guide you to get to your destination faster than if you went at it alone. If you want to be healthy, you would find a mentor who is already healthy. If you want to be rich, then you have to find someone who is already rich. What surprises me is how rarely people engage in mentoring relationships and those who do usually find mentors in only one aspect of their lives. If you want to be successful, be active about finding mentors that will help you achieve what you want. Do you have a mentor in your life now? If not, ask yourself what barriers are preventing you from finding or establishing a mentoring relationship? If you do have a mentor, do you have one for the different aspects of your life (financial, health, professional, personal, spiritual, relationships, parenting , etc.)?

Build a Support Group. While mentors serve as a guide with whom you review your past actions and plan your next steps, a support group are your companions that help you with during the actual execution of your plan. This may be in the form of a mastermind group or accountability partner where you keep each other accountable for your goals and to help each other deal with situations that may arise while you are on your journeys. It is extremely helpful to have someone you know that is willing to listen to your frustrations and self doubt and to encourage you and remind you of how far you’ve already come. Who is in your support group?

Personally Know Your Finances. Numbers scare a lot of people. Start talking about assets, liabilities and net worth and people’s eyes just glaze over. If you are one of those people who run away from numbers, please stop running because you are hurting yourself. If you want to be financially independent, you need to know how to keep score. If you have your own business or want to successfully invest, finances tell you how well you are doing and reveal the health of a business. If you don’t understand finances, you have to learn. It’s easy once you get over the limiting belief that you are no good at numbers. For those interested in learning more, you may want to check out these personal finance resources. Do you know you net worth? If you are bad at numbers, what specifically makes you believe that? How can you improve your financial intelligence?

Get Help. I have a tendency to try to do everything myself and in some ways it is good and in many ways it is bad. It is important to know and understand all aspects of your life and business but that does not mean having to do all the tasks involved in maximizing your potential in those areas. It is true that we can always learn new things and become competent in them but what is also true is that we are only given 24 hours each day and to live full lives, it is more effective to do what we do best and to outsource tasks that we’re not good at to people who excel at them. Delegating effectively takes trust and the ability to clearly communicate what you want. How are you spending your time? Is it doing things you are awesome at? If not, what are you doing that you can outsource or delegate so you can devote more time doing what you’re great at? What’s stopping you from outsourcing or delegating?

Learn Sales. Many people cringe when they hear the word sales. “I would never be in sales, that’s a sleazy job.” It is exactly this type of thinking that stops people from being their best. Sales is nothing more than persuading someone or something. When you are looking to get a date, you are selling. When you are interviewing for a job, you are selling. When you are trying to persuade your spouse or kids to go to Europe for your family vacation, you are selling. In a professional setting, sales is paramount and the lifeline for any business. If you want to get the most out of life and business, learn the skills for effective selling. When you hear “sales”, what associations come to mind? Are they positive or negative? Do you know the how to sell effectively? If not, how do you plan to learn?

Be Resilient. Things rarely work out the way you planned and there will always be distractions and stumbling blocks that you have to deal with when you are on your road to success. The key point to remember is to persist and to develop the courage to move on even when everyone around you is telling you it is ok to give up. This does not mean stubbornly holding on to your original plan but rather continuing to pursue your goal as long as the reasons for doing so is still valid (Make sure you know the “Why” of what you want). When everything seems to be going wrong, keep in mind that “the road to success is paved with a thousand failures” so each failure actually brings you closer to where you want to be. How often to you quit because things got tough? Would you describe yourself as an unshakeable optimist? Do you view problems as opportunities or warning signs? How do you view failure and are you making sure that you don’t make the one mistake people make when learning from their mistakes?

* * *

Inspirational Leadership Quotes

Leadership-Quotes-10No one can deny the power of a good quote. They motivate and inspire us to be our best. Here are some of my absolute favorites:

1. “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples.” —Mother Teresa

2. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” —Maya Angelou

3. “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” —Henry Ford

4. “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” —Vince Lombardi

Secrets of Really Persuasive People

5. “Life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent of how I react to it.” —Charles Swindoll

6. “If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” —Oprah Winfrey

7. “Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

8. “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” —Jimmy Dean

9. “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” —Audrey Hepburn

10. “To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

11. “Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” —Les Brown

12. “Do or do not. There is no try.” —Yoda

13. “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” —Napoleon Hill

14. “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” —Mark Twain

15. “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” —Michael Jordan

16. “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” —Albert Einstein

17. “I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” —Stephen Covey

18. “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” —Henry Ford

19. “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” —Alice Walker

20. “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” —Amelia Earhart

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Here’s How to Know for Sure

21. “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” —Aristotle Onassis

22. “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” —Robert Louis Stevenson

23. “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” —Ayn Rand

24. “If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” —Vincent Van Gogh

25. “Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.” —Farrah Gray

26. “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” —Dalai Lama

27. “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” —Albert Einstein

28. “What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.” —Bob Dylan

29. “I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” —Leonardo da Vinci

30. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.” —Helen Keller

31. “When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” —John Lennon

Habits of Exceptionally Likable People

32. “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

33. “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” —George Addair

34. “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” —Plato

35. “Nothing will work unless you do.” —Maya Angelou

36. “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” —Theodore Roosevelt

37. “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” —Plutarch

38. “Control your own destiny or someone else will.” —Jack Welch

* * *