The world doesn’t need another nasty person because it already has more than enough and there’s no shortage of rude people out there. What it needs are people who are polite, modest, agreeable, and kind. In short, people who are mindful and charming.
The good news is that mindfulness is an attitude and a skill that you can learn. Most people, have trouble turning on their charm but they don’t have to worry even if they are not innately charming. Here are some easy-to-master tips on being mindful and developing an attitude of mindfulness :
Respect people. When people meet someone who is respectful, they will feel naturally drawn to that person. When they find someone who respects their opinion, their point of view, their experiences, and whatever else they’re trying to communicate, it will make them feel important. You don’t have to always agree. Showing respect is enough.
Show a little vulnerability. The beauty of showing vulnerability is that it makes us more humane. There’s no reason to hide it. Charming people don’t try to win unstated competitions with the people they meet. There’s nothing more charming than owning up to your vulnerabilities and rising above them. Charming people compliment, get impressed, ask questions, feel excited, and are willing to admit their weaknesses. In short, they don’t compete with other people’s achievements. They are not afraid to let their defenses fall because they know their weaknesses don’t control them.
Talk less, listen more. One major sign of superficial people is that they talk about themselves all the time. But a charming person listens more than he talks. You can cut out all of the distractions when you talk to someone because by just listening to the other person you are giving importance to him. When someone is talking, it can be tempting to interrupt especially when you have the same experiences but, it is selfish and rude to do so. By listening more, you will earn the trust of the person divulging sensitive information to you. And, this is backed by the research conducted by the State University of New York.
Remember people’s names. How awkward it is to forget other people’s names. I’m sure you have felt that sinking feeling when you forget someone’s name, especially if it is someone you really should remember. Of course, our memory fails us sometimes. Nobody’s perfect, right? However, charming people remember names. They try their best to remember even small details. For the other person, there is nothing sweeter than hearing their name. It makes them feel they’re important enough to be remembered by you. When you’re first being introduced to someone, repeat their name back to him or her. That’s enough to emphasize that at least you care enough to remember them. What matters most is that you made an effort to remember.
Practice the right body language. Communication is not only through words but also through body language. When talking to someone, a charming person’s body language exudes quiet confidence and openness. Their arms are open and their legs are relaxed, which makes them approachable. If you have a problem in this area, work on being comfortable in your own skin. Most people who tend to cross their arms could be revealing insecurities and the fact that they are uncomfortable.
Use the right tone of voice. Your tone of voice is also incredibly important. Communication experts always mention the “7-38-55 rule,” first posited in 1971 by UCLA Psychology Professor Albert Mehrabian: 55 percent of what you convey when you speak comes from your body language, 38 percent from your tone of voice, and a paltry 7 percent from the words you choose. Therefore, avoid shouting or coming across as aggressive. You can do this by using a relaxed and gentle tone of voice. Be assertive but without being defensive or aggressive.
Use the right words. Keep conversation friendly and professional at all times by using polite language. Try and keep every word positive. Talking about polite, professional and happy things will draw people to you. Whenever you notice yourself complaining or being negative, try to stop yourself and reframe it something into more positive. Overtime, you’ll get in the habit of being more positive, and less negative.
Smile. When you smile, others feel comfortable. Everyone loves a happy person, right? Your happy state of mind will shine through and will make you very likable to others. Grumpy or disinterested people scare people away. You never know all the good that a simple smile can do. In fact, a smile can literally rewire your brain to be happier. Psychologists at the University of Cardiff in Wales found that people whose ability to frown is compromised by cosmetic Botox injections are happier, on average, than people who frown. Likewise, NBC says that research suggests that a smile spurs a powerful chemical reaction in the brain that can make people feel better.
Praise others instead of getting involved in gossip. There will be a time when you meet people who love to gossip. These are people who talk about others in a negative way. At the very first sign of gossip, run away. If you can’t, just don’t get involved. Instead, say something really positive about the person they’re talking about. If you want to charm people, steer clear from backstabbing and gossiping. It’s not nice and it only creates toxic energy. Never be afraid to compliment people directly on their face. Research shows getting a sincere compliment gives us a similar positive boost as receiving cash.
Find other people’s interests. If you find yourself in a situation where the conversation is slow, try to discover the other person’s hobbies or passions. Make it about them and not about you. Ask about their hobbies. Do they like basketball or baseball? Do they like traveling? You will know when you find a topic that they’re interested in because it makes their eyes light up. When you do, ask lots of questions and be genuinely interested in their passion.
Look for common ground, if possible. If you find yourself in a heated argument, take a step back and assess the situation more carefully. To avoid escalation, try to find some common ground. Do not be too aggressive when other people don’t accept your opinion because they are entitled to theirs. Instead of arguing over your difference of opinion, you can agree to disagree. Charming people take time to put themselves in other people’s shoes. More agreeable people are viewed more positively than those who engage in arguments.
Do not use your phone when talking to other people. Your Instagram/Facebook/Twitter feed will survive without your careful supervision for five minutes. It is a basic social etiquette not to look at your phone every now and then when you are talking to someone, because that’s rude. Any situation that commands your attention should have it in entirety. For example, if you’re being confided in or someone asked for your advice on an issue, then give them your undivided attention. This person trusts you – don’t blow it off.
Mind your manners. There’s a reason why we were taught to say please and thank you. It makes us likable and charming. Be appreciative of those actions that others do for your benefit. If not, the law of karma will get you. Have you heard of the “Waiter Test”? If you really want to know how an individual treats people, look more at how he interacts with the waiter than how he interacts with you. This test says how you treat waiters and waitresses can say a lot about your own personality. Yelling and screaming at an employee serving you will make others around you think you’re an elitist jerk. Charming people respect everyone, no matter what their status in life is , they treat everyone with respect and kindness.
Use the power of touch selectively. Touch, doesn’t mean the sexual touch. What I am referring to is the non-sexual touch which is a powerful way to convey what you mean. For example, when you’re congratulating someone, shaking their hands or patting them gently on the shoulder or upper arm can help reinforce the sincerity of your words.
Meditate. Meditation is taking control of your mind. Practicing mindfulness to achieve a heightened sense of self. Mindfulness will help you perceive and affect the emotions of those around you. In fact, researchers at Emory University have developed a form of meditation called cognitive-based compassion training which has been proven to increase empathy.
Be happy. Last but not least, being happy makes other people happy too. A happy person can light up any room that he walks into. Nobody wants to be surrounded by negative and toxic people. On the other hand, everyone needs friends and allies who are positive and upbeat. To be a charming person, always look on the brighter side of things. It’s because charm comes from all things nice and beautiful.
In conclusion, charming people can woo and wow people without overdoing it. They stay cool and don’t make life all about them. They gladly avoid the center of attention and make the limelight shine on those who deserve it. They do not brag about who they are and what they can do. Mindfulness is an attitude and a skill that you can learn to make your life better by keeping others happy.
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