Life in the Spotlight Can Be Lonely

Research conducted at the Kellogg School of Management finds that power can be isolating.  Although people often seek power in the pursuit of feeling loved and valued, the powerful often find true love elusive. The moment a subordinate or fan tries to get close may be the very moment in which power-holders become cynical of others, and this can heavily impact relationship development, according to new research.

Exploring how power corrupts relationships, researchers from the United States and Europe found that power creates doubt about the motives behind the kind acts of others. As a result, power-holders may become cynical of seemingly altruistic gestures, a cynicism that prevents them from engaging in relationship building behaviors.

Adam Galinsky of the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, along with co-authors Ena Inesi of the London Business School and Deborah Gruenfeld of the Stanford Graduate School of Business, examined this phenomenon across a variety of contexts, including both professional and personal relationships. The study, “How power corrupts relationships: Cynical attributions for others’ generous acts,” will appear in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

“The Celebrity’s Dilemma”

The study suggests that a person’s celebrity status, while enviable to others, can be a curse in many ways.

“Celebrities and the powerful are attractive targets for those who seek their friendship for more instrumental purposes,” says Galinsky, the Kellogg School’s Morris and Alice Kaplan Professor of Ethics and Decision in Management. “One’s star status produces a power-induced skepticism. This doubt prompts the question: Are they interested in me or only want access to my power? Do they love me or my celebrity?”

Famous singers, movie stars and even first-time Oscar winners may find themselves in this dilemma. As a result, even kind acts offered with the purest of motives can be questioned by the powerful, diminishing the potential for closeness.

“Without this ambiguity, kind acts produce benevolent attributions that inspire trust, encourage reciprocity and build stronger relationships,” the authors write. “With this ambiguity, a vicious cycle ensues: the cynical attributions for others’ kind acts ultimately taint the gestures, tarnish the response, and diminish the potential for true intimacy.”

In the study, the researchers cite Leonardo DiCaprio explaining his experience with how power can be a curse: “I had better success meeting girls before Titanic…there wasn’t a perception of her talking to me for only one reason.”

“While this phenomenon could be considered simply a ‘celebrity’s dilemma,’ faced only by the rich and famous, we believe it speaks to a larger dynamic that springs from the psychological consequences of power,” the authors write.

Isolation at the Top of an Organization

The researchers also find this phenomenon in business. Individuals who hold a commanding role can find the deluge of admirers to be isolating. This isolation can stem from a lack of trust and reciprocity of those surrounding you.

Findings from an online study investigated how power affects responses to favors. The results revealed that individuals who received favors from a subordinate versus an equal-powered peer reported less trust and a lower desire to reciprocate the favor. Another study showed that this effect of power on trust only happened after favors, but not after normal work exchanges.

Favors can be an effective relationship-building tool for those on equal power levels, the findings suggest.  However, those with pure motives should recognize that offering favors may not be the surest path to win the heart of a power-holder. These results also point to one reason that those at the top of the hierarchy may feel so isolated: “their power impedes their ability to engage in the basics of relationship-building behaviors. Reciprocity and trust are key building blocks of relationship development,” says Inesi.

Power in Marriages

Marriage can be seen as the ultimate example of relationship closeness. However, this research highlights the ways in which the relative income of spouses can bring an interesting dynamic to a marriage, possibly obstructing the path to closeness. Individuals who earned more than their spouses were more cynical about the motives driving kind acts offered by their spouse, and as a result they reported being less committed to the marriage.

Conversely those who earned the same as their spouse were more likely to believe and trust the intentions of their spouse.  The cynicism and lack of commitment documented in business relationships can edge into marriage.

Conclusion

Whether in the spotlight or at the top of the career ladder, those in positions of power may doubt the purity of others’ beneficent motives and push away those close to them. The irony is the “corrupting effect of power on relationships is specifically triggered by the very acts that typically lead to greater intimacy: favors.” The researchers suggest that power-holders remember that everyone is not seeking to grasp at their power.

“If you’re in a position of power, you may want to examine both your assumptions about as well as your responses to favors offered by colleagues, friends and peers,” says Inesi.

“By being aware of this process, the powerful may give themselves a chance to find true and meaningful connections,” says Galinsky.

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Identify Your Mission and Believe in Yourself

Identify Your Mission

To start with a clear understanding of your destination, you need to ask yourself “What are the things I want to accomplish?” The most effective way to begin is to develop a personal mission statement that focuses on what you want to be, what you want to do, and the values or principles that will create the foundation for these.

Stephen R. Covey explains in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that we must begin at the very center of our Circle of Influence, the lens through which we see the world. Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power.

• Security is your sense of worth, identity, emotional anchor, self-esteem, basic personal strength or lack of it.

• Guidance is your source of direction in life, an internal frame of reference that includes standards, principles or implicit criteria that govern moment-by-moment decision-making and doing.

• Wisdom is your perspective on life, sense of balance, judgment, discernment and comprehension.

• Power is the faculty or capacity to act, the strength and potency to accomplish something.

A mission statement takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression and often many rewrites. It may take several weeks or months before you feel it is a concise expression of your innermost values and directions. Writing or reviewing a mission statement changes you because it forces you to think through your priorities deeply and carefully and to align your behavior with your beliefs. As you do this, other people begin to sense that you’re not being driven by everything that happens to you. You have a sense of mission about what you’re trying to do.

Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl is quoted as saying, “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life. …Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.”

Believe in Yourself

The greatest obstacle to success is a lack of trust in yourself, a self-imposed limitation. John C. Maxwell points out in Talent Is Never Enough that when people believe in themselves, they unleash power and resources around them that almost immediately take them to a higher level. His advice: You need to believe in your potential, believe in yourself and believe in your mission.

If you want your talent to be lifted to its highest level, don’t begin by focusing on your talent. Begin by harnessing the power of your mind because your beliefs control everything you do. Accomplishment is more than working harder or smarter, it’s also believing positively. If you expect to fail, you will. If you expect to succeed, you will.

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The Dynamic Effects of Attitude

Successful people typically have one thing in common and that is their way of thinking. A driving ambition and unwavering perseverance pushes those who enjoy success to chase their dream and that same willful attitude allows them to catch that dream as soon as they have the chance. Successful people know that anything is possible. They see a new opportunity around every corner and know that they can enjoy the happiness and triumph they desire.

Buddha said that “a man is what he thinks all day long.” Success is determined by a person’s attitude and their outlook on life. A person who thinks positively will seem to sail through life trouble free, while those who think of failure see all sorts of obstacles in their path. Not everyone can enjoy magnificent wealth and an affluent lifestyle, but the majority of our population fails to reach even the potential they are capable of. Instead of forging ahead and working harder to reach our goals, we give up and force ourselves to be content with less than we desire.

Henry Ford summed up the power of attitude in a single sentence. “Those who think they can and those who think they can’t, they are both right.” With the right attitude and mindset, we can do the things we dream about. We all know that it is possible to do the impossible. We’ve all shocked ourselves, as well as others, at some point in each of our lives by allowing our minds and our mental perseverance to push us to do the seemingly impossible. When we focus on an attitude of success, the exceptional talents we each possess can reach their full potential and carry us to our goals. What you do and the achievements you attain are influenced greatly by the way you think.

Everyone has a dream. Whether you see your dreams become reality, enjoying success and prosperity, or you spend your life chasing those dreams, never seeing any real accomplishments, depends almost entirely on your attitude. So many people spend all their time and energy working towards their goals, but have a negative attitude. Their thoughts are directed by the problems in the world, not the possibilities. Constant fears of scarcity, poverty, and failure create obstacles in the path of their dreams and these negative barriers leave them stranded in an unsatisfying life.

So how, you may ask, can I adopt a positive attitude of success and live my dreams? It is as simple as changing your way of thought! While some people have a natural attitude of success and face every challenge with a conquering assertiveness, most of us have to make a conscience effort to think “I can” rather than “that’s impossible.” Don’t doubt your own abilities. Instead, push yourself forward and keep trying. Most of the time, our own negative thoughts and uncertainty in ourselves are the only thing really keeping us from a successful life.

Set goals for yourself and when you face challenges, offer yourself positive encouragement and spur yourself onward. A can-do attitude will make all things possible and will keep your head high when others would give up. When you reach your first goal, you will see a new boost of confidence in your abilities and it will soon be natural to enjoy success. Failure will no longer be your way of thinking.

It is important to never forget that a successful attitude incorporates selfless thinking as a way of life. To achieve true success, we must concentrate on improving life for all humanity, not our own lives alone. Wallace Wattles, author of The Science of Getting Rich, instructs us to direct our energy toward creativeness rather than competition. True success comes from the ability to serve others, not the ability to accumulate wealth, power, and fame.

With the right attitude and an anything’s possible outlook you can enjoy a truly successful life. By concentrating on what is best for everyone, as well as yourself, you can achieve ultimate satisfaction, both inside and out.

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The First Opportunity

A young man wished to marry the farmer’s beautiful daughter. He went to the farmer to ask his permission.

The farmer looked him over and said, “Son, go stand out in that field. I’m going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls, you can marry my daughter.”

The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull.

The barn door opened and out ran the biggest, meanest-looking bull he had ever seen. He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one, so he ran over to the side and let the bull pass through the pasture out the back gate.

The barn door opened again. Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life. It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him. Whatever the next bull was like, it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through the pasture, out the back gate.

The door opened a third time. A smile came across his face. This was the weakest, scrawniest little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself just right and jumped at just the exact moment. He grabbed… but the bull had no tail!

Life is full of opportunities. Some will be easy to take advantage of, some will be difficult. But once we let them pass (often in hopes of something better), those opportunities may never again be available.

So always grab the first opportunity.

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